Some people think that studying from the past teaches us nothing about today's life. Others argue that history is a valued source of information. Discuss both views and give your opinion

[Rosie]

Hello Luschen. I hope that this essay will do a better job than the last one If you were an examiner, what band you would give me? Can you make an overall comment about my writing skills including paraphrase, expressing ideas etc.

People have different views about whether historical knowledge brings relevant values to contemporary society or not. While some people maintain that the information learned from the olden days have no longer useful for the present day, I believe that the appreciate experiential data could be collected from previous events.

On the one hand, one of the most tangible reasons why history is not proper for today’s world is gender equality. For example, while women were just considered as a housewife in the past, nowadays society provide women the opportunity to enjoy the same rights as men, including economic participant and decision-making. Another reason is people have no guarantee of the accuracy of the early stage. This mean, events of our past are interpreted in different ways to suit different needs. Therefore, human kinds might learn the wrong thing.

On the other hand, some people argue that history is definitely an indispensable part of human civilization. In other words, history provides identity, and this is unquestionably one of the reasons all modern nations encourage its teaching in some form. Historical information includes evidence about how families, groups and the whole countries were formed and evolved over time. Vietnamese students, for instance, study history and know about their victories against outside intruders, so they take pride in their origin. Furthermore, history offers a storehouse of data about how people and societies behave. As a result, people could have a thorough insight into things. How can we evaluate war if the nation is at peace - unless we use historical materials? How can we understand the influence of technological innovation or the role that the young generations play in our modern life? This fundamentally, is why we can not stay away from history.

In conclusion, while both perspectives have benefits and drawbacks in our ever-changing world, I would contend that the ancient knowledge will always have a crucial role in preparing for our future.

[Luschen]

Hi Rosie, I want to make clear that I am not an examiner, though I have studied the IELTS rubric quite closely and read a lot of essays, both student essays and benchmark essays. I thought you did a good job addressing the prompt, as you have stated both sides of the argument and given your opinion. I would rate your TA a 7. Your C&C is a little weaker - see my comments about your topic sentence below and some problems with some transitions. Your LR score would have been pretty good, but you have a few really odd words and phrases that tripped me up - maybe they were just typographical errors, but they really impeded my comprehension so I’m afraid I would have to rate that a 5, though generally your vocabulary is a solid 7 otherwise. Likewise, your grammar is generally good, but I think there may be a few too many errors to make it to the 7 level on grammar range and accuracy.

@Rosie

People have different views about whether historical knowledge brings relevant values {“brings values” is not really correct - values here would mean morals or precepts, but I think you mean does it have value, which is different} to contemporary society or not. While some people maintain that the information learned from the olden days [is] no longer useful for the present day, I believe that the appreciate experiential data {this doesn’t make any sense - do you mean “appropriate”? and experiential data is odd and unclear to me} could be collected from previous events. {this is not the best thesis statement. Make sure you thesis statement matches the prompt. So here an excellent would need to acknowledge the validity of the two sides and give your opinion. Something like “Though it is true that today’s world is much different from that of past eras, some facets of society and human nature remain constant, thus I propose there is great value in studying texts from long ago.” }

{it is not best to start off with a reason. Try to begin with a topic sentence that introduces the common theme linking the two reasons you use. Here I think the common theme is that the world has changed too much for old wisdom to be of any use} On the one hand, one of the most tangible reasons why history is not proper {“proper” is not really a synonym for relevant - maybe try “applicable” or “pertinent”, or “useful”} for today’s world is gender equality. For example, while women were just considered as [housewives] in the past, nowadays society [provides] women the opportunity to enjoy the same rights as men, including economic [participation] and decision-making. Another reason is people have no guarantee of the accuracy of the early stage. { “the early stage” is unclear here - perhaps you mean “ancient documents”? } This mean, events of our past are interpreted in different ways to suit different needs. Therefore, human kinds {it is “humankind”, but that still sounds odd} might learn the wrong thing. {try to avoid using “thing” - it is too vague - here I guess you mean “lessons”?}

On the other hand, some people argue that history is definitely an indispensable part of human civilization. In other words, {this may not be the best transition - you are moving from the general case stated in the topic sentence to a particular aspect or facet. So instead of a restating transition you need something like “in particular” or “for instance”} history provides identity, and this is unquestionably one of the reasons all modern nations encourage its teaching in some form. Historical information includes evidence about how families, groups and [entire] countries were formed and evolved over time. Vietnamese students, for instance, study history and know {“learn” is better here} about their victories against outside intruders, so they take pride in their origin. Furthermore, history offers a storehouse of data about how people and societies behave. As a result, people could have a thorough insight into [the way individuals and groups tick]. How can we evaluate war if the nation is at peace - {avoid dashes in formal essays, use commas instead} unless we use historical materials? How can we understand the influence of technological innovation or the role that the young generations play in our modern life? This fundamentally, is why we can not stay away from history.

In conclusion, while both perspectives have benefits and drawbacks in our ever-changing world, I would contend that the ancient knowledge will always have a crucial role in preparing for our future. {try to separate these ideas out and add one more sentence, like a call to action, in order to get a full three sentence paragraph instead of a single sentence.