Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines.

[Jatkin]

Hello sir, I am trying to improve my writing score in Toefl. Please evaluate and score my essay.
Thank you.

Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The world has changed a lot and become a better place for living with the invention of new machinery and technology. Although machines have provided us many facilities, some people are still conservative and do not believe in using machines to make their lives better. However, I strongly prefer doing my work using machines because it is more efficient, less tiring and effective way of working.

To begin with, machinery increases my work efficiency. It takes more time to finish my work if I decide to do it by my hands. For example, I am a teacher and use printers to make the copies of class notes for my students. If I decide to make copies by writing them by my hands, it will take so much time and the written copies will not look as neat as the printer copies do. Thus, machines help me to finish my work quickly and neatly.

In addition, I can finish my task or work with less efforts with the help of the utensils. For instance, when I did not have a dish washer, most of my time wasted doing dishes and felt so tired after cleaning those. However, when I bought the dish washer, I get free in 15 minutes and feel fresh after cleaning the kitchen as most of my work is done by dish washer now. Therefore, machines make your work easy.

Last but not least, I feel that using machines and equipment are effective way of working because it saves so much money. For example, in a parking lot, there is a machine at the entry and exit to collect money and allow vehicles to enter. If there would be a person to keep watch at each entry and exit, it will take more money as you need more people to do this job. In addition, a person takes more time to charge the customer than the machines do. Furthermore, there are less chances of making errors by humans than machines. Therefore, machines help people finish their work effectively.

To sum it up, even though some people prefer to do their work by hand, I always believe to do my work using machines. This way I can work more efficiently and effectively.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?

[Luschen]

Hi Jatkin, I thought your writing was pretty good here. You have addressed the topic well and I thought your essay was structured nicely, though your concluding sentences for each body paragraph could be a bit better. Your writing is clear and I liked your detailed and specific examples. You do have some awkward sounding phrases though and some word choices that could be improved. I am trying to grade a little more strictly lately. To me, this one doesn’t sound quite natural enough to score a 4, so I’m afraid I would rate it a 3.5 out of 5.

@Jatkin

Hello sir, I am trying to improve my writing score in Toefl. Please evaluate and score my essay.
Thank you.

Some people like doing work by hand. Others prefer using machines. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The world has changed a lot and become a better place for living [to live] with the invention of new machinery and technology. Although machines have provided us many facilities,{“facilities” sounds odd here - what do you mean?} some people are still conservative and do not believe in using machines to make their lives better. However, I strongly prefer doing my work using machines because it is more efficient, less tiring and [an] effective way of working.{using two adjectives and a noun here is not very parallel and sounds a bit awkward}

To begin with, machinery increases my work efficiency. It takes more time to finish my work if I decide to do it by [hand] my hands. For example, I am a teacher and use printers to make the copies of class notes for my students. If I decide[d ] to make copies by writing them by [hand] my hands,{or “by handwriting them”} it w[ould] {use “would” for hypothetical situations} take so much time and the written copies w[ould] not look as neat as the printe[d ] copies do. Thus, machines help me to finish my work quickly and neatly.

In addition, I can finish my task or work with less efforts[effort] with the help of the utensils.{“utensils” sounds odd - generally it means eating utensils unless otherwise specified} For instance, when I did not have a dish washer,{one word} most of my time [was] wasted doing dishes and [I] felt so tired after cleaning those.{“them” is better} However, when[since] I bought the dish washer, I get free in 15 minutes and feel fresh after cleaning the kitchen[,] as most of my work is done by dish washer now. Therefore,{therefore here sounds a bit odd, as this is just one example, not really a proof - maybe “machines make my work easy” or “As this example shows, machines make your work easy”} machines make your work easy.

Last but not least, I feel that using machines and equipment are effective way of working {“equipment is an effective way to work because”} because it saves so much money. For example, in a parking lot, there is a machine at the entr[ance] and exit to collect money and allow vehicles to enter [and leave]. If there would be a person to keep watch at each entry and exit, it w[ould] take{“require” is more clear, as maybe you would mean the worker would take more money from the customers} more money as you [would] need more people to do this job. In addition, a person takes more time to charge{“service” is a bit better here} the customer than the machines do. Furthermore, there are less chances of making errors by humans than machines. {I think you mean the opposite} Therefore, machines help people finish their work effectively.

To sum it up, even though some people prefer to do their work by hand, I always believe to do [in doing] my work using machines. This way I can work more efficiently and effectively.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the problem with the concept of brain lateralization?