Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and

Hi ^^
I’m studying Ielts but my writing skill is very bad. I will have an exam in the next 3 weeks and I really want someone who can help me. It’s lucky for me because I know this website. Could someone help me to check my writing? Thanks in advance.

Some people claim that what people eat in many Western countries is unhealthy and that their diet is getting worse. Critics say that these countries should change their diet.
What are your opinions on this?

My essay

In recent year, foodstuff has received considerable concerns among Western communities due to the belief that they are unhealthy and lead to the poor quality of Western people’s diet. Therefore, changing the diet to ensure healthy life is a necessary task.

It can not be denied that Western people tend to face health problems resulting from unwholesome food and unbalance diet. It is true in some countries such as the UK and the US that people are gaining weight and have high risk of obesity. Their diets always contain lots of meats and processed food that are not good for health. Especially the widespread use of fast food is the major reason explaining to the high level of people suffering from obesity in these countries. The popularity of fast food is the evidence of unbalanced diet of Western people, with too much fat, sugar and less vegetables. There are also many latent diseases which can be the serious threat to Western people unless they make some changes in their diet.

What should be done is changing food ration. Eliminating the existence of fast food in the menu, replacing them by large amount of vegetables and fresh fruit can also make an effort to balance the diet. Moreover, alternating menu frequently can excite people’s crave for food, hence, simulating them to absorb more nutrition. In the long-term, the positive consequence wll be seen.

As indicated above, Western people’s diet is unhealthy that leads to the high level of people suffering health problems such as obesity. Therefore, changing their diet is the best way to address this problem.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a physical science class

Hi, I am not a teacher, but as a native English speaker I will make some suggestions on improving your essay.

Thanks for your advice. It seems that I made lots of mistakes. I will correct it. ^^