Some people are born with certain talents-essay

[Tara_03]

Dear Luschen,
Thank you in advance for helping me.please be informed I am writing for IELTS.
P.s, would you please let me know the scores you would give to my essays?
Thank you
Tara

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that some people are born with specific talents while others are not. Although I agree that certain talents are inherited to us, I believe that others are still capable to achieve professional skills by improving their knowledge in addition to practicing hard.
Firstly, scientists contend that special talents are inherited to us by genes we received from our ancestors. For instance children who were born in artistic family are more talented to be an artist in their later life. At the same time, psychologist argue that being in an atmosphere inconsistence with a certain field of music or art could be foster your talents in turn to get acquainted by that.
On the one hand, some people argued that we just need to find talented person and help them to boost their skills up, they are disagree to capitalize on others without any specific talent and consider it as wasting of time and money. On the other hand, others believe that any skill can be learnt by education. They support this idea that not everyone was born with certain talents but all people have potential talents which need the room to be blossomed. For example learning swim need to practice by person and there is no necessity to have a prominent talent on it.
So, all in all, I reaffirm my state that by having perseverance in companion with a well-planned program everyone can be able to be a champion in sport or a masterwork in music.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in Political Science

[Luschen]

Hi Tara, your English is pretty good, but your essay seemed unorganized to me. I couldn’t clearly tell which paragraph supported which theory, so overall it was a bit hard to follow. You have some examples, but it might be nice to make them more personal and detailed. Most of your writing is clear, but you did have some phrases that were confusing to me. Overall, I would rate this one a band 6.

@Tara 03

Dear Luschen,
Thank you in advance for helping me.please be informed I am writing for IELTS.
P.s, would you please let me know the scores you would give to my essays?
Thank you
Tara

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.
Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is true that some people are born with specific talents while others are not. Although I agree that certain talents are inherited [by] us, I believe that others are still capable to achieve {“capable of achieving” is more natural} professional skills by improving their knowledge in addition to practicing hard.
Firstly, scientists contend that special talents are inherited [granted] to us by genes we received from our ancestors. For instance children who were born in [an] artistic family are more [of the] talent[ necessary] to be an artist in their later life. At the same time, psychologist[s ] argue that being in an atmosphere inconsist[ant] with a certain field of music or art could be foster your talents in turn to get acquainted by that. {this last sentence sounds very awkward and is confusing - are you saying that if you are not in the correct atmosphere you will not develop that talent?}
On the one hand, some people [argue] that we just need to find talented pe[ople] and help them to boost their skills up [;] they are disagree [with] capitaliz[ing] {capitalizing is wrong here - maybe “focusing”} on others without any specific talent and consider it as [a waste] of time and money. On the other hand, others believe that any skill can be learnt by education. They support this idea that not everyone was born with certain talents but all people have potential talents which need the room to be [blossom]. For example learning [to] swim need to [requires] practice by [the student] person and there is no necessity {“and it is not necessary” is better} to have a prominent talent [for] it.
So, all in all, I reaffirm my state[ment] that by having perseverance in companion{“in companion” is incorrect - maybe “in conjunction with”} with a well-planned program everyone can be able to be a champion in sport or a masterwork [virtuoso] in music.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in Political Science

[Tara_03]

Hi Luschen,
Would you please help me know how I can extend my idea!its one of my problems almost the biggest one!
The other one is I cant categorized my idea…you know…When I begin to write I found new ideas so it take time to come back and correct it…by the way I need 7 band score for writing
Br,
Tara

[Luschen]

Hi, what exactly do you mean by “extend my idea”? Do you mean elaborate on it? Before you start are you making a brief outline? That might help your organization. And having a good topic sentence for each paragraph is important. If you end up changing what you talk about in a paragraph, you need to go back and make sure the topic sentence matches your new material. I will check your latest essay and see if I can suggest any improvements in organization.