Should we buy a piece of jewelry or a ticket to a concert?

[Wendy_Guo]

This is the first time that I post my essay on the forum. Hope you can help me and give me some advice on writing.

Choosing from buying a piece of jewelry or a tickect to a concert is quite a difficult problem. Both of these two ways of spending money have advantages and disadvantages. But when it comes to this question, I would rather buy a piece of jewelry I like with the money.

First, buying jewelry can be regarded as a proper type of investment. It is good for woman as well as men to have a good piece of jewelry, for owning jewelry can increase the coping ablility on some later finacial problems. For example, emergencies might happen at any moment, and the jewelry can be used to make money, sometimes even more money than you bought it. On the contrary, we can never sell our favorate concert ticket to cope with emergencies.

Second, unless you sell it, the value of a piece of jewelry is permenant. Compared to a concert, which we can only enjoy for once, the jewelry can be part of our possession for our whole life, or even for lives of our offsprings if we hand on the jewelry to them. If the jewelry is really valuable or rare, it can be consedered as a family heirloom, which can be increased in value year by year and shows the history and wealth of the family.

Last but not least, if the jewelry we buy is not costly enough to become a family heirloom, but only a small, personal, but delicate one, it is best for people, especially women to dress up with it. Jewelry is very fashionable, unlike clothes or shoes, it can hardly become out of date. My mom has been owning a diamond necklace for over four years, and she is never tired of wearing it whenever she goes out. Strange as it may seem, her necklace is always in fasihon and can match almost all her clothes.

In conclusion, compared to a ticket to a concert, I would rather buy a piece of jewelry. There is no denying that the pleasure that a concert brings about is more direct and enjoyable, but I still prefer jewelry for its permanent value.
35min355words

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student probably do with her next paper?

[Kitosdad]

@Wendy Guo

This is the first time that I post my essay on the forum. Hope you can help me and give me some advice on writing.

Choosing from buying TO BUY a piece of jewelLEry or a tickect to a concert is quite a difficult problem. Both of these two ways of spending money have advantages and disadvantages. But when it comes to this question, I would rather buy a piece of jewelELry THAT I like with the money.

First, buying jewelLEry can be regarded as a proper type of investment. It is good for woman as well as men to have a good piece of jewelLEry, for owning jewelLEry can increase the coping ability WITH some later finaNcial problems. For example, emergencies might happen at any moment, and the jewelLEry can be used to make money, sometimes even more money than you bought it FOR. On the contrary, we can never sell our favorIte concert ticket to cope with emergencies.

Second, unless you sell it, the value of a piece of jewelELry is permAnant(,) compared to a concert TICKET, which we can only enjoy once(.) The jewelLEry can be part of our possessionS for our whole life, or even for THE lives of our off-springs if we hand on the jeweLElry to them. If the jewelELry is really valuable or rare, it can be consIdered as a family heirloom, which can be increase in value year by year(,) and shows the history and wealth of the family.

Last but not least, if the jewelLEry we buy is not costly enough to become a family heirloom, but only a small, personal, but delicate one, it is best for people, especially women, to dress up with it. JewelELry is very fashionable, unlike clothes or shoes(.) It can hardly become out of date. My mom has been owning a diamond necklace for over four years, and she is never TIRES of wearing it whenever she goes out. Strange as it may seem, her necklace is always in fasHIon and can match almost all OF her clothes.

In conclusion, compared to a ticket to a concert, I would rather buy a piece of jewelLEry. There is no denying that the pleasure that a concert brings about is more direct and enjoyable, but I still prefer jewelLEry for its permanent value.
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Please do remember how to spell jewellery! I tired of altering it.

The essay is good. Punctuation a little bothersome, but all in all, a good essay.

Kitos. 8/10

TOEFL listening discussions: What will the student probably do with her next paper?

[Wendy_Guo]

Thank you very much for your correction. But still, I have some questions. Could we only spell the word “jewellery” in this way? I’ve looked it up in a dictionary and found that both the spellings are correct.
Besides, I’m quite puzzled with some of the corrections of the punctuations. For example, this one, “Unlike clothes or shoes, it can hardly become out of date”. Originally I thought it is a whole sentence, meaning " clothes and shoes are easy to become out of date, but jewellery is not." But the corrected one is like “JewelELry is very fashionable, unlike clothes or shoes.” Actually I did not mean that clothes and shoes are not fashionable.
Well I cannot express myself clearly enough. I hope you could understand me and help me out. Thanks!
Best wishes,
Wendy

[Kitosdad]

Hell Wendy. There are indeed two ways to spell jewellery, one American and the other English. I prefer the English version.
Punctuation … there is no hard and fast rule as to when or where to use a comma. I insert a comma wherever I feel it is required, simply to make more sense of what I think has been written. Others may disagree, and this too is OK. Some say that using commas is often unnecessary in writing, I also disagree with that viewpoint.

[Wendy_Guo]

I see. Thank you for your reply.
Wendy.

[Beeesneees]

@Wendy Guo

But the corrected one is like “JewelELry is very fashionable, unlike clothes or shoes.”

Hi Wendy,

Sometimes it is difficult to follow the original meaning of a passage when you are concentrating on helping to correct the mistakes.
This is how I would write the part you are concerned about, so that the meaning was clear (I think you have used a comma where you really needed a full stop):

Jewelry is very fashionable. Unlike clothes or shoes, it can hardly become out of date.

(I would also write ‘jewellery’ because I have a British background too!)

[Wendy_Guo]

Oh yes, I understand. Thank you for your reply.
Wendy