Hello everyone,
Could you please check this paragraph for me? Thank you a lot.
Shanghai city is the city for foreigners to come, work, and study most in the world with more than 80 000 people (1/ of total foreigners in China). Meanwhile there are 9 more cities that are ranked in the top 10 list, namely 2nd place goes to Beijing capital, 3rd place Shenzhen district, 4th place Tianjin, 5th place Qingdao district, 6th place Hangzhou district, 7th place Guangzhou district, 8th place Chuzhou, 9th place Xiamen district, 10th place Kunming district.
I’m not sure what you exactly expect to be checked: the style, wording, grammar…
Sorry, but to me it sounds like a dull, monotonous sentence, written by a non-native.
I would go for something like: “Shanghai city is the city registering up to 80 000 people visiting it (annually-?) for work and study which makes up 1? of the total of foreigners in China. [Still unclear: 1? of the foreigners living in China permanently or entering it?]
‘Meanwhile’ sounds a foreign body to me in the sentence. I would put it like: The other cities\districts, ranking in the top 10 list of the sites with most non-Chinese population are (in descending order): the capital city Beijing, Shenzhen district, the city of Tianjin, Qingdao district, Hangzhou district, Guangzhou district, the city of Chuzhou, Xiamen district, Kunming district.
It’s my typing. I would write like this.
Shanghai city is the city for foreigners to come, work, and study most in the world with more than 80000 people (accounting for 1/6 of total foreigners in China). Meanwhile there are 9 more cities that are ranked in the top 10 list, namely, 2nd place goes to Beijing capital, 3rd place Shenzhen, 4th place Tianjin, 5th place Qingdao, 6th place Hangzhou, 7th place Guangzhou, 8th place Chuzhou, 9th place Xiamen, 10th place Kunming.
***** NOT A TEACHER *****
The most glaring “mistake” for me was referring to “Shanghai city.”
In the United States, we usually do not use the word “city” after a city’s name: Boston, Chicago, Los Angeles.
Of course, there are exceptions, such as New York City. This may be due to the fact that there is also a state named New York. I can also think of Atlantic City.
So we usually say, “Denver is very high in the mountains.” If we wanted to use “city”: “The city of Denver is very high in the mountains.”
Thank you James.
I overlooked it, my attention being on the structure of the sentence.
***** NOT A TEACHER *****
Maybe (maybe!) something like:
With 80,000 foreigners, Shanghai ranks first in the top ten Chinese cities with large foreign communities. In descending order, the others are: Beijing, Shenzhen, Tianjin, Qingdao, Hangzhou, Guangzhou, Chuzhou, Xiamen, and Kunming.
That’s an excellent recast, James. Still, my two cents, to put it in a single sentence.
With 80,000 foreigners, Shanghai ranks first in the top ten Chinese cities followed by Beijing, Shenzhen, Tianjin, Qingdao, Hangzhou, Guangzhou, Chuzhou, Xiamen, and Kunming, all with large foreign communities.
***** NOT A TEACHER *****
I really prefer your one, smooth sentence.
I would just rearrange a few parts:
“With 80,000 foreigners, Shanghai ranks first in the top ten Chinese cities with large foreign communities, followed by Beijing, …and Kunming.”
I think that your students are lucky to have such a wonderful teacher.
Thank you, James. I’m honored by your sincerity though flattered by your eulogy.
Thank you, Anglophile, for helping me with my vocabulary.
I had always thought that “eulogy” was limited to praise for dead people.
So I rushed to my dictionary.
You were right – as usual.
“Eulogy” can also refer to praise for living people.
No problem, James. But, for a ‘flash’ of moment I wondered whether your earlier concept about eulogy was true of me. Thank God I’m alive!