rate my essay: (11) sport or library, please?

[Summerclouds]

hello , I am new here
I have just registered, and got my account activated finally

Here is my essay, I appreciate if someone expert rate it for me, please?

[color=red]b Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.” Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.[/b]

Upon the question: should university give sport activities as much money as being given to library? Many people will respond in different way, some may agree other will disagree, it depend on their educational background, experiences, and interests. However, as far as I am concerned, I think university should spend more money on improving and maintaining libraries, rather than give money for supporting sport activities in campus for several reasons.

First and for most, condition of library reflects the level of university in whole. Libraries affect the reputation of the academic institutions, and have impact on the rating of the university among others. Most ranking agencies use libraries as one of the standards when estimating the level of university; advanced libraries are usually found in high ranking universities. Many students look for high ranking universities when they want to register, so by improving university’s library it can receive good rank, and therefore appeal more students.

Second, Library is the place where it has collection of various books and a broad range of papers and valued articles. It is the reference for each student to find information and acquire knowledge. Many publications are released every day and others are updated with new information from edition to edition. It is better to keep the library up-to-date and bestows the students the newest version of books to rely on when writing their researches. If library only provides old books and ancient knowledge, it deprives students from benefit and informed with the new changes in theories and bases. Furthermore, there is an increased demand for computers and internet access, library should accordingly increase its technology facilities and increase the number of computers and give the access to multiple databases and e-books. All what mentioned above need a lot of money, therefore, it is obvious that libraries should have more allocated of the budge than what sports should have.

On the other hand, I cannot deny that sports activities are also important. As we all know, “good for the body, good for the brain”. Many universities already have swimming pool, Gyms, and playgrounds. But in general, gym and swimming pool do not need as regular development as the library does. Having old fitting machines for example will not harm student educational process at all. Moreover, though exercising and being engaged in sports event is useful for students; they always can find their ways out of campus and benefit from public utilities.

All in all, to satisfy the purpose of university and for the benefit of students, university should allocate the bulk of its budget to libraries. University should always concentrate on academic issues and progress the educational resources.

TOEFL listening lectures: The professor mentions watermelons as an example of what?

[Luschen]

Hi, I am afraid we are fresh out of experts around here, but I will try my best to provide some suggestions. I am not an official TOEFL grader, but I am a native speaker and think I have a good handle on what the graders are looking for. I thought your essay was very good. You have great content and good development within your paragraphs. Your introduction seemed a little rote to me and did not really draw me in to the subject that well. Most of your writing sounds very natural and you have some good vocabulary, although you have chosen a few words poorly. You do have some problems with the usage of articles and prepositions, and you have a few awkward sounding phrases. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Summerclouds

hello , I am new here
I have just registered, and got my account activated finally

Here is my essay, I appreciate if someone expert rate it for me, please?

[color=red]b Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries.” Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.[/b]

Upon the question: should university give sport activities as much money as being given to library?{your first phrase does not really make sense - restating the prompt may not be the best introduction anyway} Many people will respond in different way[s ], some may agree [while] other[s ] will disagree, it depend[s ] on their educational background, experiences, and interests. However, as far as I am concerned, I think universit[ies] should spend more money on improving and maintaining libraries, rather than giv[ing] money for supporting {“to support” is better here} sport[s ] activities in[on] campus for several reasons.

First and for most,[foremost] [the] condition of [its] library reflects the level of [the] university in [as a] whole. Libraries affect the reputation of the academic institutions, and have [an] impact on the rating of the university among others.{“among others” is a bit ambiguous - others sounds like it might refer to other aspects besides libraries} Most ranking agencies use libraries as one of the standards when estimating the level{“level” is not the best - maybe “quality” or “prestige”} of [a] university; advanced libraries{“advanced” sounds a bit odd when describing a library} are usually found in high ranking universities. Many students look for high ranking universities when they want to register, so by improving [a] university’s library it can receive good [a top] rank, and therefore appeal [to] more students.

Second, [a] Library{no caps} is the place where it [that] has [a] collection of various books and a broad range of papers and valued articles.{this sounds banal - everybody knows what a library is - also, your topic sentence should give a reason supporting your thesis - what is the reason here?} It is the reference [source] for each student to find information and acquire knowledge. Many publications are released every day and others are updated with new information from edition to edition. It is better to keep the library up-to-date and bestows {“bestow upon”, but this still sounds a bit odd} the students the newest version of books to rely on when writing their researches.[papers] {or “doing research”} If [the] library only provides old books and ancient knowledge, it deprives students from[of the] benefit and[of being] informed with {“of” or “about”} the new changes in theories and bases.{“bases” is unclear to me here} Furthermore, [as] there is an increased demand for computers and internet access, [the] library should accordingly increase its technology facilities and increase the number of computers and give the access to multiple databases and e-books. All what [All these functions] mentioned above need a lot of money, therefore, it is obvious that libraries should have more allocated of the budge [a greater allocation of the budget] than what sports should have.

On the other hand, I cannot deny that sports activities are also important. As we all know, “good for the body, good for the brain”. Many universities already have swimming pool[s], Gyms,{no caps} and playgrounds. But in general, [a] gym and swimming pool do not need as regular development{“development” is not the best - maybe “updating”} as the library does. Having old fitting machines{“fitting machine” is incorrect} for example will not harm student[s’] educational process at all. Moreover, though exercising and being engaged in sports event[s ] is useful for students;{comma} they always can [always] find their ways[way] out of [off] campus and benefit from public utilities.[facilities]

All in all, to satisfy the purpose of [the] university and for the benefit of students, [a] university should allocate the bulk of its budget to libraries. [A] University should always concentrate on academic issues and progress[develop] the educational resources.

TOEFL listening lectures: The professor mentions watermelons as an example of what?

[Summerclouds]

thank you very much for replying and correcting my essay

as a matter of fact I think this is not one of my best essays, I have started practicing since 2 weeks ago. till now I have written more than 30 essays; so I feel confused when choosing one of them to know my level in writing?

How about this one? if you don’t mind ?

color=red Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

When I was studying abroad in Jordan, I noticed something important exists there that is lacked in my country (Bahrain). The extensive widespread public transportations in Jordan make their life easier and more convenient. So, I started to think that it would be better for Bahrain if it spent more money on widening the public transportation lines and increase its services rather than spending money on improving roads, highways and building bridges.

To begin with, public transportation will not only facilitate the movement from place to another, but also has many other advantages. First, it saves money that is being waste on the gasoline and insurance of own cars. Even though public transportation is not free, it is cheaper than driving own car. For instance, when I was in Jordan, I was living in Irbid which is 2 hours far from the capital (Amman), If I wanted to go to Amman I had three choices: either to rent a car for 50 JD in day plus 10 JD for petrol supplying, or take taxi and pay 65 JD, or use the public transportation which cost only four JD. Obviously, the cheaper way is the third choice, while the first is excluded because I did not have driving license, and the second is the most expensive. Second, it decreases the traffic and pollution especially at rush hours because public vehicles carry more people at once time, otherwise everyone will use his/her own car and contribute in releasing more co2 which is the main reason of green house effect.

In addition, meeting new people is always a challenge. In Public transportations we can meet new people and make new friendships. When I was in Jordan I used to use public transportation to go to university. It helps me meeting many of my colleagues and strengthening bonds with them. We used to share many conversation in various topics related to education and so on.

In conclusion, although improving roads and highway have advantage in decreasing the traffic, I believe that spending more money on developing the public transportation will result in more advantages such us: It facilitates moving, saves money, decreases traffic and pollution as well. Also, it helps people making new friendships.

[Summerclouds]

I have corrected some of the errors, I hope to have your comment, please?

When I was studying abroad in Jordan, I noticed something important existed there but was lacked in my country (Bahrain). It was the extensive widespread public transportations in Jordan, which make their life easier and more convenient. So, I started to think that it would be better for Bahrain if it spent more money on the widening public transportation lines and increasing its services rather than spending the money on improving roads, highways and building bridges.

To begin with, public transportation will not only facilitate the movement from place to another, but also has many other advantages. Firstly, it saves money that is being waste on the gasoline and insurance of individual own cars. Even though public transportation is not free, it is cheaper than driving own car. For instance, when I was in Jordan, I was living in Irbid which is 2 hours far from the capital (Amman), If I wanted to go to Amman I had three choices: either to rent a car for 50 JD in a day plus 10 JD for petrol supplying, or take taxi and pay 65 JD, or use the public transportation which cost only four JD. Obviously, the cheaper way was the third choice, while the first was excluded because I did not have driving license, and the second was the most expensive. Secondly, it decreases the traffic and pollution especially at rush hours because public vehicles carry more people at once time, otherwise everyone will use his/her own car and contribute in releasing more co2 which is the main reason of green house effect.

In addition, meeting new people is always a challenge. In Public transportations we can meet new people and make new friendships. When I was in Jordan I used to use public transportation to go to university. It helped me meeting many of my colleagues and strengthening bonds with them. We used to share many conversation in various topics related to education and so on.

In conclusion, although improving roads and highway can decrease the traffic, I believe that spending more money on developing the public transportation will result in more advantages such us: It facilitates moving, saves money, decreases traffic and pollution as well. Also, it helps people making new friendships.