Plz help me check and rate this essay.

[Keeptrying]

People today spend too much time on personal ẹnoyment-doing things than things that they should do ? Do U agree

People always be confused when they need to choose between things they want to do and things they should do. Things which bring enjoyment have huge attraction for people, if we are not persistent enough, we are easy to be attracted by those activities and forget our responsibility. Personally, I totally agree that people, especially young people in this modern society are spending too much time on enjoyment-doing things because of the development of entertaining medium like television, social network; and the lack of motivation in young people.

First, since twenty century, people have seen a revolution of entertainment activities. With the technology boom, we are able to use many kinds of medium not only for studying purposes but also for entertaining purposes. For example, I remembered when I was a kid, I had no computer and I was only permitted to watch some movies at the weekend or after I had finish my homework. . However, many children nowadays have chance to get in touch with technology when they are very small. This can be a two side- knife for the kids without proper management from their parents. Some of them are too busy to pay attention to their kids and let them do anything they want. Children are very active and curious, and internet offers them chance to play newest games, reading or watching improper images and movies. Besides, the purpose of these entertaining medium is to attract many people as possible. As a result, when children become addict to something, it is hard for them to cut off their time spending on those activities. I was also a typical example. I was a facebook -addict. I spent a lot of time in front of the computer, visit my friends ‘s virtual house, liked their picture, commented and waited for new notifications in my ‘’ house’'. It was waste of time and I forgot that I need to study, even when I remembered, I did not want to study anymore.

Second, young people are lacking in motivation. Their life is so satisfied that they think that it is unnecessary to study, to work, to contribute. For instance, I lived in Japan for a long time and I saw a significant change between two generations. I was very impressed by the attitude of Japanese people who contribute their whole life for the country even without being received. After the World War 2, they understood that Japan lose everything, only with human power, they could reconstruct their country. And look at what they did, Japan now is the second largest economy in the world. However, a part of Japanese young people are not have the enthusiasm like their predecessor. They pay more attention to entertaining activities such as manga, fashion and more. Even old Japanese feel these changes, disappointed, and it is hard for them to connect with young people. This situation may happen all over the world when people are not struggling with basics needs, they just enjoy their life and forget the motivation to study and work to complete themselves and delicate to their homeland.

To sum up, with the attraction of amusement medium and the lack of motivation, I believe that people today are wasting two much time on unnecessary activities than useful

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (4)

[Luschen]

Hi Keeptrying, I thought you did a good job on this one. Watch our for your run-on sentences though - use a transition word, semicolon, or period. You aslo have quite a few verb tense errors, though for some of your sentences, it is a challenge to pick the correct tenses. I did really like your arguments and examples, your writing is very convincing. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Keeptrying

People today spend too much time on personal ẹnoyment-doing things than things that they should do ? Do [you] agree

People [are] always be confused when they need to choose between things{avoid using “things” - here you could say “activities”} they want to do and things[those] they should do. Things[Pastimes] which bring enjoyment have huge attraction for people, [thus] if we are not persistent enough, we are eas[ily] to be attracted by those activities and forget our responsibility. Personally, I totally agree that people, especially young people in this modern society, are spending too much time on enjoyment-doing things[enjoyable diversions] because of the development of entertaining medi[a ] like television, social network; and the lack of motivation in young people.

First, since [the] twent[ieth] century, people have seen a revolution of entertainment activities. With the technology boom, we are able to use many kinds of medi[a ] not only for studying purposes but also for entertain[ment] purposes. For example, I remembered when I was a kid, I had no computer and I was only permitted to watch some movies at [on] the weekend or after I had finish[ed] my homework. . However, many children nowadays have [the] chance to get in touch with technology when they are very small. This can be a two[-]side[d ]- {no hyphen here}knife for the kids without proper management from their parents. Some of the[se parents] {it was unclear whether “them” was the kids or parents} are too busy to pay attention to their kids and let them do anything they want. Children are very active and curious, and [the] internet offers them [the] chance to play [the] newest games[ and] reading {you don’t really “read” an image or movie though} or watching improper images and movies. Besides, the purpose of these entertaining media[a] is to attract [as] many people as possible. As a result, when children become addict[ed] to something, it is hard for them to cut off their time spen[t] on those activities. I was also a typical example. I was a [F]acebook -addict. I spent a lot of time in front of the computer, visit[ing] my friends ‘s virtual house, lik[ing] their picture, comment[ing] and wait[ing] for new notifications in my ‘’ house’'. It was waste of time and I forgot that I need[ed] to study,{semicolon} even when I remembered, I did not want to study anymore.

Second, young people are lacking in motivation. Their li[ves are] so satisfied that they think that it is unnecessary to study, to work, to contribute. For instance, I lived in Japan for a long time and I saw a significant change between two generations. I was very impressed by the attitude of Japanese people who contribute their whole life for the country even without being received.{“being received” is unclear here - what do you mean?} After the World War 2, they understood that Japan los[t ] everything, {semicolon}only with human power, they could [they] reconstruct their country. And look at what they did,{colon} Japan now is the second largest economy in the world. However, a part of {“a part of” sounds a bit odd here} Japanese young people are [do] not have the enthusiasm like{“of” is better here} their predecessor[s ]. They pay more attention to entertaining activities such as manga, fashion and more. Even old Japanese feel these changes, [become] disappointed, and it is hard for them to connect with young people. This situation may happen all over the world when people are not struggling with basics[basic] needs, {semicolon or period} they just enjoy their li[ves] and forget the motivation to study and work to complete themselves and delicate{“dedicate”?} to their homeland.

To sum up, with the attraction of amusement media[a] and the lack of motivation, I believe that people today are wasting two much time on unnecessary activities than useful {or “… activities and not spending enough on useful ones”}

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a life sciences class (4)