Please value my essay and give me the score out of 10

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music ,that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Music is an art form whose medium is sound and science with common elements, like pitch and rhythm. The word is derived from the Greek word ‘mousike’ meaning art of the muses. Music mainly comprises of two forms one is traditional and the other is international.

Firstly, music is the integral part of our life. Researchers have studied the benefits of music education decades, consistently finding strong correlation between music and academic achievements. Recent studies say, it relieves stress, tension, in addition some mental disorders too.Interestingly, music is mainly divided in to two forms; traditional and international. Moreover the traditional music comprises of folk songs and classical songs, which tell the stories in songs. International songs found everywhere in the word also called 'world music’, which contains POP songs, Jazz songs and so on.

Secondly, international music, while comparing with traditional songs, has a wide spread diffusion. Many youngsters are attracted by pop music; also they try to imitate the musicians. Due to the influence by this music, traditional songs put forward to a great extent. However India like some countries are trying to make traditional music popular, by introducing the folk songs through some realty show on television.

I strongly disagree these view points, traditional music always has a great social role. Their should be a limitation for western music, though our country is in the path of westernization, an additional importance must be given for our traditional songs.

To sum up, traditional music of a country is more important than any other type of music. It gives the moral value of a nation through different kinds of folk songs, classical music and so on. The government must take some initiation to introduce some interesting competition to participate the masses in to it.

Hi, not too bad of writing. You have some grammar mistakes though and some word choices that could be improved. I had a little trouble following your structure, I think your organization could be improved. Also, you did not clearlly address the reasons why we need music. If this was a TOEFL essay, I would grade it a 3 out of 5. I think in TOEIC this would be a B: advanced level

I’m preparing myself for TOEFL,plz check my esaay too.tanx a lot indeed.
What are some important qualities of a good supervisor or a boss?
In this progressive era of human’s history, people work or study in different places, and they make considerable efforts in order to optimize different issues. So it can be clarified that having a good supervisor or boss is a worthwhile aspect. Having a good supervisor or boss has three drastic effects on you and your job: to enrich efficiency of a system, help you in different difficulties and categories; however, sometimes he stops your creative new ideas by his authority or responsibility.
A good supervisor or boss can increase efficiency of a system by his knowledge or experience. If you have a good supervisor or boss, you will have a good back-up in your activities, because they can abolish difficulties which you detest them. There are a lot of issues in a system that need to be controlled, so it is not ambiguous that a skillful supervisor or boss can do a lot of impressive activities by his management’s ability so that these can decrease errors in a system. Not only do most of supervisors or bosses have enough knowledge, but also they were taught how to react in diverse situations either to exempt a system from extra-errors or diminish side-effects in catastrophes. They can choose the best choices when a system is in a dilemma, and they can find and remedy its defect. The most important effects of them on a system are that they can duplicate tenacity, perseverance, and motivation to a system and goad employees into using tact to do comprehensive plans; and to anticipate the merit of some employees and verify or amend their activities in order to improve a system.
Almost all supervisors and bosses can help you in different situations, and solve your problems. We are not unaccustomed to confront with distinct problems in our jobs. We went through the same old routine that we were trapped in some thorny problems that, neither did we know how to react, nor did we know how to solve it, and our supervisors or bosses could help us by giving some advices or tips. So if you are either a mediocre employee or a professional one, you should acknowledge that astute vibrant supervisors or bosses can help you in a lot of circumstances, because they probe deep into everything meticulously, and reduce the burden of difficulties that you have to deal with. So when we encounter complicated difficulties; it is commonplace, we wish we had proficient nimble supervisors or bosses who could help us to solve them. So it is not weird, the more our supervisors or bosses help us in difficulties, the better we rehabilitate our mind in tumults.
Some supervisors or bosses kill your inventive new ideas by compelling you to do or not do some activities. Some of them are reluctant to accept new ideas, because they think their employees should abide by system’s criteria, and you will bother them if you do something that led to conflicts between activities and system’s standard, albeit slightly. It is frequent that an employee elicits all the facts necessary to prove his case, but his petition will be denied arbitrarily. The employees are not in a position to impose demands to management, so it is utterly right that it will be cause of avoiding both system and employees from getting more and more developed. It means, although supervisors or bosses want to refrain from having disruptive reactions which will be causes of adverse series of coincidences, they hesitate to comply with new methods which can revitalize a system spontaneously, and they insist on lingering on traditions. So dictating rules haphazardly and behaving tyrannically without paying attention to the positive sequences of new offers are, neither beneficial, nor favorable.
A nice supervisor or boss can enhance capability of a system by his knowledge and ability, and he can help to all staff by his experience. Just because of his responsibility or tyranny in some cases, sometimes he is an enormous obstacle in the path of new ideas when one of the employees suggests them.

Hi Rashid9, it is best to post your essay in its own topic so more people will get a chance to read it.

hi there!
where is its own topic? i dont know.
tanx a lot.

Hi, go here and press the button towards the upper left that says “new topic” english-test.net/forum/forum16.html