Please review my essay: Students are more influenced by their teachers than by friends. (Agree/Disagree)

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
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Students are more influenced by their teachers than by friends. (Agree/Disagree)

P.S. Actually, I agree with the fact that a student is more influenced by their friends than teachers. But in this essay, I chose the opposite side so that it would be more challenging for me.

The Essay:

Students are more influenced by their teachers than by friends. (Agree/Disagree)

Students spend the majority of their time in school. They communicate with various people in a school environment, especially with their friends and teachers. While some people believe that students are affected mostly by their friends rather than teachers, others strongly disagree. Personally, I believe that teachers have a more direct and profound impact on students’ lives than friends do.

First, teachers share a valuable piece of their knowledge to students. Students can learn a lot from teachers about various social and scientific subjects which in turn help them in the future. In fact, a good teacher would inspire young individuals to be in constant learning of new things so that, probably one day, they could make exciting discoveries and inventions.

Second, many students count on their teachers’ support and extensive experience. The former take into serious consideration their advice and guidance. For example, whenever a student faces a problem, he can discuss it with his teacher, and together they can devise a decent and proper solution for it. In contrast, if they address a problem to their friends, they can exacerbate the situation owing to the lack of experience.

Third, teachers are considered as “second parents” in many societies. They guide them in the right and morally correct direction as their parents do. In addition, children do not merely learn academic disciplines from their teachers, but also about adult life. In other words, teachers also serve as a primary example of what qualities and characteristics an adult should possess. Hence, their future personalities would heavily depend on the preception of these adults’ actions.

To summarize, I think that students are affected mainly by their teachers than friends because they acquire knowledge, experience and necessary qualities from their teachers. In my opinion, teachers should realize that their actions affect not only them but also young generations they teach.

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Hi @Oybeka98! I don’t know how I missed your essay.

First, teachers share a valuable piece of their knowledge to students.

I wouldn’t say “a piece” because “a piece of knowledge” implies it’s not a lot of knowledge being shared. “A valuable part of their knowledge” fits better with your sentence.

probably one day

First, let me say that I wouldn’t correct this if it was anyone else. But since you’re already pretty advanced, I believe we can get to the point where we talk about how words are usually used, not just which ones are correct. In this example, I’d say “maybe one day.” Let’s be realistic, most people won’t really make a huge discovery in their lifetime (and that’s okay!) Using “probably” here implies otherwise.

For example, whenever a student faces a problem, he can discuss it with his teacher, and together they can devise a decent and proper solution for it.

Again, not something I’d “correct” if you were at any lower level in terms of English knowledge. So I know you mean both boys and girls in this example, but in many languages that have gendered pronouns like he and she, it feels like you have to choose one. However, English has a long-standing tradition of using a singular they instead of he or she if you don’t know the gender. You use they as you normally would he or she, and don’t treat it as plural. In your example, that would be “whenever a student faces a problem, they can discuss it with their teacher” etc.

However, this is definitely not the norm (yet). It’s not incorrect to use “he” when you don’t know the gender. But in a professional sense, using singular they often comes off as more polished and politically correct. If you’d rather avoid it altogether, make the entire sentence plural. That would mean saying, “whenever students face a problem, they can discuss it with their teacher” etc.

affected mainly by their teachers than friends

It should be “affected mainly by their teachers rather than friends” or, alternatively, “affected more by their teachers than friends.”

That’s it in terms of the essay itself.

I just want to add that it’s a good thing you chose to represent an opinion you disagree with. It builds debate skills, which are pretty useful in life (or at least when arguing on the internet :smiley: ), but it also forces you to use the language in a way that you maybe wouldn’t otherwise.

All in all, as usual, great job and keep it up!

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Hi @Sumejja!!! Hope you’re doing well.

Sorry for the late response. There are 5 days left until my exam day, so I’m very busy by practising everything.

I always had difficulties expressing ‘gendered pronouns’, but now I have some insight into this complex issue.

I took into account all your corrections. And let me express my gratitude for such a ‘personalized’ review. :relaxed: You’re awesome!

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Thank you, that’s very kind! I know you’ll pass your exam, but I hope you do so with flying colors, as they say. If you need any help at all, you know where to find us! Good luck!

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Thank you! :relaxed:

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Can anyone help me with this writing assay because i think I miss understood the topic.

Television advertising directed towards children aged ( two to five ) should not be allowed.

Today television becomes integral part of a human life. It offers many entertainment features. For a young child, the television would become his first companion and best friend and here is the problem.As per my opinion. i do not recommend watching telvision for a five years old child.Simply he is going to miss all the other fun of exploring his own surronding world. For example playing with his toys, drawing in his coloring books, listining to his favorite book stories and even try to read a little bit, he has a lot to figure out and to entertain rather than watching telivison and become addict to it.
one of the biggest issue for a child to watch a television that he becomes addicted to it, and it became his companion that he would chose it rather to go out, eat or sleep. I had my four years cousin who keeps crying all day and cut out food all day until his parents open the televison and stay in front of it for hours and they keep it for the sake of stop crying and eating his food which is totally wrong. and years later my cousin had to put on glasses beacuse he had troubles in vision and he is only nine years old now. On the other hand if we use the television wisley that would be great, but this requires a great effort to teach our children when to use it and when to stop it.
Having your kid watching TV half hour a day is not an issue, he can

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