Please review Essay writitng for IELTS prepration. Thanks

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

In some countries young people have little leisure time and are under a lot of pressure to work hard in their studies.
What do you think are the causes of this?
What solutions can you suggest?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, there is a cut throat competition from the beginning when a kid starts going school to getting admission in college and then for a job in a multinational company. It arouses a lot of pressure on youths to work hard in thier studies and thus, they get little time for their leisure activities.

Most importantly, the increasing competition shows the lack of school, colleges and other resources with respect to increasing population and other thing is our education system which focuses on working hard on studies and have no or very less significance of other activities like games.

There are very few government seats in schools and colleges and to get selected for those seats among thousands of students is a big challenge. Therefore, to win this battle, students have to work hard and sacrifice their free time to studies. However, it is equally important ,as studies, to have some free time for relaxation, refreshment and other physical activities which helps them to grow mentally and physically fit.

Secondly, the education system which mainly focuses on studies and has very less significance to other activities. No doubt that education is necessary but the way it is carried to students is equally important. It should be in innovative ways and receptive to new ideas so that students could enjoy while learning instead of taking it as a burden or feel pressurized for it. Thus, in such a way, if students are gaining knowledge while playing or via interesting experiments, the difference between leisure and studies time will go off.

Additionally, parents and society are also responsible of this situation of youths today. Some parents show off and compare their children’s grade with other in a society and to maintain the best status they exert pressure on their kids irrespective of their interests in studies. Youths are the only sufferer who put all their effort to accomplish their parents’ dream and to live in society with pride.

So the big question is where this situation is leading to and who are affected by this ? Of course, first of all, our young generation who are in this situation and sometimes, they are so burdened that they commit suicide with the fear of failing and in depression. Next, the country whose future depends upon its young generation and if it leads to a tough side then surely it is not going to progress.

Furthermore, The solution lies in problems and definitely, we need to increase number of schools and colleges and provide free education to educate more and more people. At the same time we need to maintain the same standards in all the schools and colleges so that there will no differentiation among children from different institutes. Additionally, there is need to have some amendments in education system to make it interesting and experimental.

TOEFL listening lectures: How would the professor most probably categorize Shinto?

2

Hi,

From a quick look at your essay, it seems to me that you need to work on planning and organizing your response.

The minimum word length for an IELTS essay is 250 words, but yours is 470 words. This suggests you are spending too much time writing and not enough time on planning and checking the grammar. Did you spend only 40 minutes on this essay, as that is the maximum time you should spend on task 2.

The essay has 2 tasks:

  1. Why do young people have less leisure time and more study pressure.
  2. What are solutions to this.

So the best response is to have 2 or 3 body paragraphs addressing these tasks. For example, you could have one body on the causes (or 2) and one on the solutions.
Although you have some good ideas in your essay which answer these questions, it is not always clear where the causes are and where the solutions are. There also seems to be some information in there which is not answering the question and so should be excluded.

As an example:

“So the big question is where this situation is leading to and who are affected by this ? Of course, first of all, our young generation who are in this situation and sometimes, they are so burdened that they commit suicide with the fear of failing and in depression. Next, the country whose future depends upon its young generation and if it leads to a tough side then surely it is not going to progress.”

This is about ‘effects’ - it is not about causes or solutions.

There are some issues with your grammar, but you also have some good grammar and some good vocabulary. If you write less you will have more time to focus on ensuring these are correct and to check this at the end.

Hope that helps and good luck with your studies.

3

Thanks for the reply. It’s really helpful. I will post more essays for review with points you suggested.

4

No problem. I forgot to add, it’s probably best to aim for about 265 words.

5

hello ielts buddy,

please point me out if i am wrong
i read this in an ielts preparation book to make it simple they have divided the essay for task 2 in ielts examination into three categories and how it should be organized

1,one view point issue(any statement contains question relevant to it)
intro=10%,body=90%(includes40% agree/disagree to statement and 50% why do you agree/disagree),conclusion=10%

2,two view point( two statement)
intro=10%,body=90%(includes 40% view point less agree with,50% view point most agree with)conclusion 10%

3,advantages/disadvantages of anything,
intro=10%
body=90%(includes 40% disadvantage,50%advantage)
conclusion=10%

6

Hi Noorulain,

I’ll try to answer your question.

You are right that its common to categorize essays like you say and it can be useful, though you have to be careful as not everything will fit this.

I’ve put some example questions that I think you are referring to with those categories:

1) Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. (opinion) Therefore, working hours should be reduced.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I believe this is the first type you are referring to. I’m not sure about percentages, but I usually ask my students to write no more than 2-3 sentences for the introduction, a body paragraph on the benefits of reducing working hours, a body paragraph on the disadvantages, and then a couple of sentences for the conclusion.

(In theory you could 100% agree or disagree and that would not be wrong, but with academic writing it’s good to show you have the skills to look at both sides of the issue).

2) Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past. (Opinion one) Some people think the changes have been very positive, (Opinion two) while others believe they have been negative.
Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

Here you have two opinions, and you are specifically told to look at both and give your opinion. So again, you can follow the same pattern as in (1). Intro, body on advantages of these changes, body on disadvantages, then conclusion with your opinion (or you can have a separate body paragraph with your opinion or include it within the other two paragraphs).

3) Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of reducing working hours?

As you can see, again, it’s going to follow a similar pattern. Into, body paragraph on the benefits of reducing working hours, a body paragraph on the disadvantages, and then a couple of sentences for the conclusion.

I’m not sure about the 40/50% they are referring to, but you can see that from these that they are all fairly similar in that you are discussing two sides of an issue and providing your opinion.

But although these 3 types are common, it doesn’t mean all essay’s follow this pattern. These are OPINION essays.

You could be presented with an issue and be asked to discuss problems and solutions (or only problems/solutions), causes and effects, reasons and effects or another combination. Or just a straightforward question (asking for your opinion):

e.g: How important do you think it is for countries to think about the future rather than concentrating on the present?

So to sum up, yes I think what you have pointed out is a correct way to look at opinion essays, but make sure you have looked at other types you may get as well.

7

hello ielts buddy

i am immensely grateful for your kind help
i have a question regarding reading and listening section which i am failed o find
in reading in listening questions requires you to write some answers and as per instructions "NOT MORE THEN THREE WORDS " SO if i write one word or two words which one is going to be correct
for example my answer “450$”
IN ANSWER KEY IT WAS JUST “450” would that be mark correct?
2, my answer to write is “annual fees”
but in their answer key it was “FEES”
would that be incorrect?

looking forward to hear from you and let me out of this confusion

regards
take care

8

Hi,

If it says “no more than 3 words” then the correct answer could be 1, 2, or 3 words, but definitely no more.

This doesn’t help you to know which one of these it is though - your answer must fit logically and grammatically into the gap.

So for example if you hear “The plane ticket is 450 dollars.”

The plane ticket is $ _____ .- Answer = 450.

The plane ticket is ______. -Answer = $450.

So you have to watch how the question is written. It could be either way.

The second one you mention is difficult to answer without seeing the actual test you are referring to, but again it must just ‘fit’ properly.

For example:

“The course fees are $50 per annum.”

The course ______ are $50 per annum. - Answer = fees

Obviously ‘annual fees’ does not fit as it says this in the second part so it would be repeating it. It does not fit grammatically either.

When it gets marked it’s not by an examiner, so whoever marks it will just go by the answer key they have been given, and the answer key should include all possibilties if there are more than one possible answer.

Hope that helps