Please review and rate my essay. Thank you! I really need your advice&

Topic:Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should encourage their children to do their homework independently rather than help them to do it.

In the recent years, parents pay much attention to their students’ education. A man without well-rounded education, many of them believe, would be an unfortunate victim of adverse circumstance, deprived of one of the greatest opportunity. In order to make their children well-prepared in the future, the parents choose to help the children with school works; therefore, the children will have much more time for after-school classes and have more chances to learn a variety of knowledge. Quite the opposite, to me, it is too simplistic to choose this way for students.

Admittedly, there is no denying that with the parents’ help the children could be much more efficient and effective and the children would have more time spending on after-school classes. For example, the primary students can go to the extracurricular after school and know much about the interesting world. However, this does not mean that the parents should do most of the schoolwork and deprive the opportunity of thinking from the students.

First of all, it is meaningless and unnecessary for parents to provide the help for their children. The teachers give the assignment in order to make the students more familiar with the basic science they have learned in class. It enables students to put the knowledge into practice. Therefore the students could grasp the knowledge much more deeply. Some students who practice little are less likely to apply the knowledge they learned in class to their life. Hence, it is apparent that there is no need for.

Furthermore, the students are advised to think independently and critically. The parents’ help could force the children to accept the value these adults believe. What if the adults’ value is too obsolete and too simplistic? Also, the force-feed parenting would undermine the students’ interest of studying, which in turn would harm the family relationship. Doing the homework independently is fundamental for children to form their own thoughts and perception about the world. It follows, therefore, that for students it is not a good way to finish their assignments with their parents’ aid.

Finally, even though the student has much more time for after-school classes, it does not mean the child could become a well-rounded person and it does present a risk that the children could not absorb all knowledge they have learned in a day. And the children are likely to lose all their interest of the classes. Thus, it is obvious that the parents’ purpose is not guaranteed.

In conclusion, only by incorporating different aspects of the issue as adequately as possible can we make a rational and accurate judgment. Based on all these arguments above, I would state that parents should encourage their children to do schoolwork independently.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor discuss World War II?

Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay. I think your writing is quite good, with very few grammatical errors and a fairly good vocabulary. Your introduction is fine, except for your thesis which I did not think was clear or forceful enough. Your first body paragraph should not be there and your last body paragraph seemed pretty weak. This webpage has some good information about the different types of essay prompts to expect on the TOEFL and the correct ways to structure your essay: … -tips.html
Based on your writing, you should be able to score on the 4 level at least, but because of your structural weakness in this essay, I would score it a 3.5 out of 5

Thanks for your advice! I will revise my essay and practice more!~