please rate my writing (thanks for help)

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.

Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialist knowledge of the following topic:

Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today’s world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them.

In what ways are computers a hindrance?
What is your opinion?

You should write at least 250 words.

Use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and with relevant evidence.

answer:-

Computer is a modern tool in our daily life. Some people excellently use it and others may misuse. However the important question is how can we get used from its benefit and avoid its harm. I do believe that computer is an important technological tool that we should develop and improve.

Some people claim that computer is harmful to kids As there is a lot of porn site on the internet. Some people through this porn site abuse children on sexual chat, sharing sexual content and finally trying to flirt them.
However this can be avoided through parental monitoring program which gives the parents a tool to know what their kids have done during their absence.

Some people argue that the child if he did not enter porn site , he would addict games. The problem is that a lot of these games contain violence scene. For example, if the kids play a lot of violence game this will raise him up on bad value and manner in dealing with others.
On the other hand, children can gain from computer. For instance, they can use them in their school study to search for new information which is very important to direct student to be independent in craving knowledge.

We should mention the fact that staying for a long period of time infront of the computer is not desirable. As in order to keep yourself healthy you should do other activity like playing sports.
Some scientist say that you should not stay infront of computer more than 4 hours a day. Besides, you should take some rest after each 30 minute stay.

In conclusion, computer is a modern technology that have a lot of benefits beside some drawbacks. The people should skillfully use it for the gain of the society. I think that we should avoid its drawbacks because it is vital for the development of the society.

316 words

TOEFL listening discussions: Why is the young woman unfamiliar with Q22?

2

Hi, I think your writing is not too bad. You have some good ideas and your essay structure is well organized. Most of your sentences are too simple though, as well as your vocabulary. You have some problems with your singular and plural usage and some awkward sounding phrases and sentences. Overall, i would rate this a band 5.