Please rate my essay for toefl

Topic: Your city has decided to build a state or monument to honor a famous person in you country. Whom would you choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

If people are given a choice to build a statue to honor a person of their country, they may choose the famous person. However I would prefer to built a statue of a famous type of person, and this person is a farmer. I would do this way because I was born in a small town, and the main business of the people of my town is farming. I feel that farmers work hard to provide food to the people of the country; they do not get enough money in return of their hard work, and no one gives them honor that they deserve.

To begin with, farmers give their important contributions to the county; they work hard to grow crops. In my country, farmers produce corn, they also produce milk from cattle. Thus they provide us main basic things of our daily lives. They work very hard for cultivation of the crops. If they were not here, it would be hard and expensive to get the basic things of our lives.

In addition, farmers work hard even though they do not get profit. They work from the sunshine till the dark throughout the day. They cannot take vacation and go to different places to visit, they have something to do in their farms. Although they work hard, there is no guarantee that they will get profit in return. For example, if there is no rain throughout the year, their crops die, and they have to work again to grow them. The chances to failure in their work are more nevertheless they do not give up. They do their jobs throughout their lives. Thus they work very hard even though they go not get enough money in return.

Last but not least, farmers work very hard, and provide us food, which is the basic need of our lives, so they work should be appreciated. No one respect the farmers’ work. No one want to live in my home town because there is no professional jobs. No one wants to visit there because there is no tourist attractions. Everyone goes to a store and buy things he or she wants without thinking about the procedure and the work, the farmers have done. If a statue was built, people would understand their work, and give them respects what they deserve.

To sum it up, I would prefer to build a monument of a farmer because they work hard even though they do not earn much in return, they provide us food, which is basic necessity of our lives. Therefore I feel that they must be honored. By building a statue of a farmer in my home town, I can show that we appreciate their work.
Thank you.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture by a professor of Archeology

Hi Jatkin, I thought this was an excellent essay up until your last body paragraph. Unfortunately, at that point you had a multitude of incorrect verb conjugations. YOur essay was still quite effective though with very good reasons and examples to support them. I would like to give this a 4.5, but with the quantity of mistakes, I am afraid I can only give it a 4 out of 5.

Thank you sir for your great help.