Please rate my essay for toefl

[Chaitalivpatel]

Topic: What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

There are many important skills such as tolerance, patience, and so on, but I believe that to be successful in today’s competitive world, it is necessary to keep us updated. I think that we should have more knowledge about every field. By keeping our selves updated, we cannot be deceived by others; every one will respect us; and the things which we want such as fame and success, will automatically follow us.

To begin with, knowledge is important in everyone’s life. We should have knowledge about all the field, which we can get from newspaper, television, books, and so one. Knowledge is like a small drop of water in a huge ocean. There is no end for it; the more you get, the more you want.

In addition, if you are aware and know about every thing, no one can mislead you. For example, if you know about car prices, and you want buy a car. You do not have to agree with dealer what he says; you can negotiate with him. Moreover, knowing about every thing boosts your confident, and you can put your opinion confidently. This changes your way of living.

Finally, if you have more knowledge, every one respects you; everyone takes advices from you. This also helps you in your company, you become the favorite employee in your company. For instance, few months ago, my company was facing problems in the packing department; my boss so worried about that. At that time, I was in the production department, but I have some knowledge about other departments in my company. When I heard about this problem, I knew the solution of it. I helped my boss, and the problem was solved; but this incident changed my life. I got promotion and salary rises. Thus knowledge changes you life.

To sum it up, there many skill to succeed in today’s high speed and changing world, but according to me, the most important one is keep your self updated. By doing this, no one can mislead you; everyone will respect you; and You will get every things which you desire such as fame, money, success and so on. All these things will follow you, you do not have to run for them.

Thank you.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in social science class

[Luschen]

Hi, I enjoyed reading your essay, it was very good. Your structure is very clear and your examples were relevant and convincing. Your writing is pretty good, but you have a variety of small errors that add up and diminish your overall quality. I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Chaitalivpatel

Topic: What is a very important skill a person should learn in order to be successful in the world today? Choose one skill and use specific reasons and examples to support your choice.

There are many important skills such as tolerance, patience, and so on, but I believe that to be successful in today’s competitive world, it is necessary to keep us [ourselves] updated. I think that we should [strive to gain] have more knowledge about every field. By keeping our selves updated, we cannot be deceived by others; every one{one word} will respect us; and the things which[that] we want such as fame and success, will automatically follow us.

To begin with, knowledge is important in everyone’s life. We should have knowledge about all the[every] field, which we can get from newspaper[s ], television, books, and so one[on]. Knowledge is like a small drop of water in a huge ocean. There is no end for it{“of it” sounds better}; the more you get, the more you want.

In addition, if you are aware and know about every thing{one word}, no one can mislead you. For example, if you know about car prices, and you want buy a car. {this is not a complete sentence - maybe “if you know about car prices, you will be more effective when purchasing a car”} You do not have to agree with [what the] dealer what he says; you can negotiate with him. Moreover, knowing about every thing{“everything” - but this is a lot like “thing” - try to be more specific - “having knowledge of a wide variety of topics”} boosts your confiden[ce], and you can put [forward] your opinion confidently. This changes your way of living.

Finally, if you have more knowledge, every one{one word} respects you; everyone {why did you write it correctly here? careless?} takes advices{“advice” is always singular} from you. This also helps you in your company, {semicolon} you become the favorite{“most valuable” seems better} employee in your company. For instance, [a] few months ago, my company was facing problems in the packing department; my boss [was] so worried about that. At that time, I was in the production department, but I ha[d] some knowledge about other departments in my company. When I heard about this problem, I knew the solution of[for] it. I helped my boss, and the problem was solved; but this incident changed my life. I got [a] promotion and salary r[aises].{although “raise” is usually used on its own - you could say “salary increases”} Thus knowledge changes you[r ] life.

To sum it up, there many skill [necessary] to succeed in today’s high speed and [rapidly] changing world, but according to me, the most important one is keep your self{one word} updated. By doing this, no one can mislead you; everyone will respect you; and You{no caps} will get every things[everything] which you desire such as fame, money, success and so on. All these things will follow you, you do not have to run for[to] them.

Thank you.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in social science class

[Chaitalivpatel]

Thank you so much. It seems that I made many errors in this essay, and most of them are due to my carelessness. Next time, I will try to be more careful about this. Once again thanks.

[Ouddene_Bouziane]

thanks a lot.
a very wenderful essay.
What is the difference between (no end for it)and (no end of it).
It is difficult to master using prepositions correctly.
yes or no ?

[Luschen]

Hi, “no end for it” is just not correct. I Googled it and the only matches were phrases like “The universe has no end, for it goes on forever”.

[Angiee]

Hello Luschen,
When to put semicolon in between sentences?

[Luschen]

You can put a semicolon between two short sentences that are closely related to each other. You can also use a period instead but you can never connect two independent clauses (sentences) with a comma.