Please rate my essay for toefl

Topic: “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success.” Do you or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position.

To succeed in any tasks, we need both, hard work and good luck. Some people believe that they succeed because of hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. I disagree that luck has no importance. I believe that hard work and luck have the same importance to succeed. Although sometimes we get success by chance, most of the times, we need both hard work and luck to be successful in the life.
To begin with, sometimes we work hard to get success, but do not succeed because of misfortune. For example, farmers work hard to plant crops. They spend hours and hours to cultivate them but their success depends on rain. If they get enough water from the rain, they get success in cultivation of the crops. In other words, if they are lucky enough, they will succeed.
Similarly, hard work is as important as luck; on the base of luck, we cannot get success… For instance, I took my TOEFL test one month ago. I never failed any exams so far, therefore, I was confident about TOEFL test also. I thought that I would passed this test without preparing much as other exams. However, I was wrong; I got low score in TOEFL because I have not practiced much. Therefore, hard work is important to succeed in any tasks.
Furthermore, sometimes we get success in some tasks by chance. We do not need to do hard work. If we are lucky enough, we may win the tasks. As an example, we see many people who win lotteries. They buy lottery tickets, in hope that they may win the lottery, and some of them win the lottery because of their luck. To win the lottery tickets, we do not have do hard work; this time, we need luck. However, many times we need both, hard work and luck. For example, as a business man, he needs both, hard work and fortune to succeed in his business, when he starts a new business.
To sum it up, some people think that luck has nothing to do with success, however, I disagree with them. I believe that a success needs both, hard work and good luck. Without one of them, we cannot get success.

Thank you

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a professor and a student discussing a possibility

Hi, I thought your writing was very good. Your sentences are clear and sound natural, with only a few grammatical and word usage errors. I like your examples and you seem to have addressed the prompt correctly, but I think for these prompts, they want you to pick one side or the other and defend it. You seem to be sort of straddling the fence, which may make the grader think you are dodging the question. You also seem to have a lot of repetition. Instead of rephrasing the example and the lesson it gives, it would be much better to add some additional examples. Trying to increase your word count by repeating ideas will not help your score. Still, this is pretty good writing, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

Thank you so much. I want to know that in above mentioned essay, I disagree with the quotation. This means that I should write that luck is more important, but can I write that people get success because of both luck and hard work?

Hi, in my corrections, I meant to say “a lottery can be won”, not “a litter can be won” - my autocorrect is messing me up. I think prompts like this are inherently flawed. Words like “always” and “never” are tip-offs. It is very difficult to argue that something “always” is true or “never” is true. Still, you have to do your best to provide a good answer. I think you did pretty well. Perhaps you could take a couple cases where no matter how hard you work, bad luck intervenes and ruins your plans, then a couple cases (like your lottery example) where even with no work, one can succeed. Maybe talk about someone born rich - here are two interesting sayings: “The easiest way to become a millionaire is to start out with ten million dollars” and “He was born on third base and thought he hit a triple”.