Please rate my essay for toefl

If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

My hometown is a small and not well developed village. We can consider it as a rural area. There are many problems in my hometown such as illiteracy, poverty, lacking of proper hygiene and so on. I have left my town because of these problems. If I get a chance to change something in my hometown, I would like to decrease the illiteracy rate in my town because importance of education is more in today’s world, and it can solve many other problems.
To begin with, education is necessary for everyone’s life. The population of my town is around 2000, and hardly, 100-150 people are educated among them. Other people do not understand the importance of education. Their main occupation is agriculture, and they want their children to follow their steps. They can not recognize that education is essential to compete and survive in today’s era. If someone does something to educate them, they may understand the importance of education. This can change the life of our generation and our next generation which can provide us better life to live.
Secondly, by removing illiteracy, we may solve other problems such as lack of proper hygiene, poverty and so on. If people are educated, they can understand the importance of cleanliness. In my hometown, people are used to wash their clothes in the river and the lake. We get the drinking water from the same sources. Many people get ill by drinking the same water. If they are educated, they can understand the importance of hygiene. They may stop washing their stuffs in this water. Furthermore, in my hometown, people are poor, and their main income is farming. They work hard in their occupation, but they do not get much in return. They do not know the new techniques in farming. If they are educated, they can learn new techniques and may earn more money. This can change their lives.
To sum it up, there are many issues in my hometown to change. I feel the most important one is illiteracy. I think this way because it can change our lives and our next generation’s life, and we can solves many other problems such as cleanliness, poverty and so on. If you ask someone in our town, who is educated, he may feel the same way as I do.

Thank you

TOEFL listening discussions: Why does the young man have grapes for lunch?

Hi, your essay was pretty good. Your writing style is very clear and you have addressed the prompt well. I like your introduction, but your short sentences make it sound a bit choppy. Actually, throughout the essay that is your main problem, as both your vocabulary and sentence structure are a little too basic. You also have a few incorrect word choices and some minor grammatical errors. I really like your personal examples though. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5

Thank you so much. My vocabulary is limited. I try to learn new words but I am not able to use them in a sentence correctly. If you have any suggestions to improve that, please help me. I have one more question. In TOEFL independent essay, how many words are sufficient. I am not able to write an essay in time.

Enlarging your vocabulary is probably one of the hardest skills. I can only advise reading as many essays and articles in English as you can. Write down the words and definitions you don’t understand.

There is a lot of controversy about how many words are sufficient in a TOEFL essay. I tend to believe that the more, the better, as long as you are not repeating your ideas. I think it is difficult to get a top score with less than 350-400 words.

Thank you for your help.