Please rate my essay for toefl

Topic:It has been said,“not everything that is learned is contained in books.” Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In you opinion, which source is more important? Why? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

We can gain knowledge from many sources such as from books, from experiences and so on. Each person has different view foe the sources to gain knowledge . In my view, the best source to gain knowledge is from experiences. I feel this way because of several reasons. The first reason is that we never forget the things which we learn from the experiences, second reason is that we can feel and learn the real situation from experiences and third reason is that we know many things by experiencing them, not by reading them from the books.
To begin with, the things which we learn from experience is unforgettable. They remains in our mind forever. We may be forget the things which we learn from the books. For example, I always forget the new cooking recipes of some items which I learn from books, but I never forget them if I cook them once. Furthermore, many studies have been done on this, and it is proven that the things which we learn from the experiences live longer in our mind.
Secondly, we get the fact of any situations by experiencing them. We can not know the reality of the situations better by reading them from the books. We need to experience it. Such as an instance, we can not learn driving by reading the book of driver manual. We learn it by experiencing it. We need to drive by our own.
Moreover, we know many things because of experience of doing those things many times in our lives. I am going to explain my point by giving an example. My father is running a restaurant. It is our family business. He is very good in managing this restaurant. He is not well educated. He learned this thing from his father by assisting him in his restaurant. He knows this thing because of experiencing it from his childhood. Therefore,I think that we can not gain knowledge from books every time.
Finally, I agree that sometimes we need books to gain something, we can not get it from experiences such as doctor’s degree. We have to read so many books to get an admission in medical field or even in engineering, but the doctors or the employees are more renowned who have more work experience than the new one.
To sum it up, I feel that experience is important more important source to gain knowledge. This is because we never forget the things by experiencing it, it teaches the reality and the fact of the situations, and many things need experiences to learn them.

Thank you

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation in a campus cafeteria

Hi, I thought your writing was quite good. You have a good structure, but it is better to combine your thesis into one sentence as I have done. You have some very good and specific examples that vividly support your argument. Your vocabulary is a little basic, but your writing is pretty clear. Try to avoid using “things” so much, if at all. Also, try combining your short choppy sentences using transition words. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Thank you so much