Please rate and revise my independent essay

Some universities now allow students to remain at home and to study online using a computer rather than requiring them to attend class at the university itself. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

I suggest that the universities should encourage their students to remain at home and to study online using a computer. Of course, having lessons at themselves has advantages. One of them is understanding easily. It is because the lecturer can use facial expressions and gestures. However, I recommend the former. I will show reasons and examples.

First, the universities can save money. In order to have classes at themselves, a lot of students and teachers have to gather together. One goes there on foot, but the other by vehicles, say, bikes, buses or cars. In this case, it costs them massive amounts of money to have only one lesson. It is not effective at all. In contrast, if they study online using a computer, they do not have any costs at all. If the universities practice this system, they can use the surplus money for the investment of faculties such as libraries or athletic fields.

Second, students can choose the way of having classes. If they take a lesson at their universities, the professor teaches a large number of people. They can choose only one way. However, if they study study online using a computer, the professor can teach a student or a lot of people. In the case of one-to-one tutoring, they can tell each other and a student can understand quickly. Of course, the style of teaching many peope also has advantages. A student can refer to other students and argue with them. Thus, studying online using a computer has two ways of taking classes. It is very convenient for the students’ studies.

In conclusion, I insist that the universities should practice studying online using a computer. It is because the member of universities can save money and students have two options relevant to lessons.

It is my first time to upload my essay here. I want someone to give me some advices!

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture in biology class

Hi, I thought your essay was not too bad. I think your thesis statement could be more powerful. You do not have to many grammatical errors, but you could improve your choice of words in some instances. You also have some awkward sentences and phrases here and there. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Dear Luschen.

Thank you very much for your help.
I try to care about omitting words.