Please Luschen revise my essay!

[Vuqar1.618]

Please Luscen check my essay. I will take the exam after two weeks. I need your help to score well.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People should read only books that are about real events, real people , and established facts.

Nowadays there is a common misconception among people stating that people have to read only books based on the real events but I really oppose this idea. From my point of view, it is strongly needed to read fiction publishings for developing our visualization.

For a start, fiction books promote many opportunities. For instance, sculptors visualize ideas on their mind and draw them into the paper before establishing buildings. Afterwards they employ this design by constructing them. Now you can easily consider how it is important to visualize and in order to evolve it we are supposed to read some books that are about non-existed things. I recently read from the newspaper writing about a famous designer. There was a survey from him. He was asked how he achieved a proficiency to design such unprecedented buildings. He answered that he was frequently dreaming at his childhood. Then he developed it by reading fiction novels.

Secondly, there are many subjects at school that require strong imagining. For example, as you know there is an important class at the high school called planometric geometry. It involves thinking about figures in the mind and it is very difficult. By the way, scholars have recently shown that people who are prone to dream are more successful in geometry.

Last but not least, it is clear that inventors do not discover something suddenly. They firstly hypothesis about something, then they seek out the feasibility to concoct it. Ultimately, a new discovery comes out to the world. For example, in the past people did not have the notion about the phone. Then people start to speculate the device that could serve to access people from long distances and eventually the phone was discovered.

To sum up, people had better to read books that are also beyond the real events in order to develop their mind if they consider their bright future.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on the history of the English language

[Luschen]

Hi, I am sorry, but I really did not like this essay too much. In your entire body paragraphs I think you only address the prompt in one sentence. Although your writing is quite good and your have only a few grammatical errors, I don’t think you will get a very good score unless you address the prompt more directly.

@Vuqar1.618

Please Luscen check my essay. I will take the exam after two weeks. I need your help to score well.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People should read only books that are about real events, real people , and established facts.

Nowadays there is a common misconception among people stating that people have to read only books based on the real events but I really[completely] oppose this idea. From my point of view, it is strongly needed{“necessary” is better here} to read fiction publishings{“publishings” is not really a word} for developing our visualization.{“developing our visualization” is a bit unclear to me - do you mean our imagination?}

For a start, fiction books promote many opportunities. For instance, sculptors visualize ideas on[in] their mind and draw them into the [on] paper before establishing buildings.{sculptors to not design buildings - that is architects, and establishing is the wrong verb choice here} Afterwards they employ this design by constructing them.{this sentence sounds odd and a bit unclear} Now you can easily consider how it is important [it is] to visualize and in order to evolve it{“evolve it” sounds odd here} we are supposed to read some books that are about non-existed {“non-existant” - but that still sounds a bit weird here} things. I recently read from the newspaper writing [a newspaper article] about a famous designer. There was a[n ] survey from[interview of] him. He was asked how he achieved a [the] proficiency to design such unprecedented buildings. He answered that he was frequently dreaming at [during] his childhood. Then he developed it[his imagination] by reading fiction novels. {you went through the entire paragraph before finally briefly mentioning fiction novels in the very last two words - instead your entire essay needs to be focused on the prompt - almost every sentence should directly support your thesis and therefore the prompt - I know you are talking about “visualization”, which is a somewhat unclear concept to me, but the prompt is not about visualization, it is about the importance (or lack of importance) of reading fiction.}

Secondly, there are many subjects at school that require strong imagining.{this is ok, but “require a strong sense of imagination” is more clear} For example, as you know there is an important class at the high school [level] called planometric geometry. It involves thinking about figures in the mind and it is very difficult. {state here directly how reading fiction will help students in this difficult subject} By the way,{“by the way” should not really be in an essay like this - maybe perhaps in the conclusion to bring up a side point} scholars have recently shown that people who are prone to dream are more successful in geometry.

Last but not least, it is clear that inventors do not discover something suddenly. They firstly [generate a] hypothesis about something, then they seek out the feasibility to concoct {“to test it” I think is the next step} it. Ultimately, a new discovery comes out to the world. {“a new discovery is released to the world” sounds a bit better} For example, in the past people did not have the notion{“did not have the notion” is not a good phrase here} about the phone. Then people start[ed] to speculate [about] the [a] device that could serve to access people from[across] long distances and eventually the phone was discovered. {where does reading fiction come into this argument?}

To sum up, people had better to read books {“had better” sounds a bit rude unless you are giving instructions to a child - “people are better off reading books” is more polite} that are also beyond the real events in order to develop their mind[s ] if they consider their bright future. {“if they consider their bright future” sounds odd to me here}

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on the history of the English language

[Vuqar1.618]

Thank you Luschen for your feedback. İ think you enjoyed your holiday. I study very hard to improve my writing skills but what to do, unfortunately I cannot advance.

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your writing skills are quite good, you have gotten much better since your first essays - you just need to make sure that you stick to the topic and have all your reasons and examples directly relate to the prompt.