Please help me to correct with this essay. Thank you so much!

Question: Some people say that government should control tightly the use of fresh water. Others say that individuals should use as much as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

(I would like to know if I can learn from my mistake at the first essay I did wrong. Please help me)


There has been an urgent warning in the shortage of fresh water around the world in recent years. Some people claim that governments ought to have efficient measures to control the consumption of fresh water. My belief is that this issue must be taken into consideration as soon as possible.

In the first place, limitation the use of fresh water is a must inasmuch as it is not an ever-lasting resource. People from Africa continent and other countries, where have low rainfall or are semi-desert, are suffering from a very low living standard due mainly to the problem in fresh water. Children have to leave schools for transferring some gallons of fresh water every day. Additionally, deforestation has contributed to the decrease in the amount of water underground, leading to the diminishing in the store of water. Not mention the fact that the recent changes in global warming effect the decrease in the precipitation in many parts of the world. As it shown, the outcome of fresh water inefficiency globally is quite clear.

Furthermore, the quality of fresh water is degrading. It is apparent that people’s incautious activities, such as domestic and industrial wastes, chemical substances from farming practices found the way to intrude into rivers and streams, have severely polluted the water sources. The toxics in the polluted air contaminated rain water which is kept in reservoirs. To make drinkable water from all these dirty sources, and to transfer pure water to taps in households, a huge amount of money has been being spent to establish and maintain the whole system of filtering. Hence, using it limitedly is the only way to retain the longer and stable clean water supply in the long term.

It is argued that water is a natural resource and people are entitled to make full use of it. The consumers are also paying for their use. Exploiting the source, using it unlimitedly, and keeping the notion of great power of money in dealing with natural resources are people’s misunderstanding which can cause a very soon crisis of fresh water.

To conclude, it seems to me that fresh water is a scarce resource and people are facing terrible problems in water usage. It is no time than the present to raise awareness of reasonable use in fresh water and practical applications should be applied in a course of decade to avoid a water war in the future.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why may Martha need money?

Wow, this was quite an improvement! Your arguments are very convincing and your examples and details give a lot of support. You do have a few errors in usage and some word choices that could be improved, but overall your writing is pretty clear. I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

I have learnt a lot from you. I appreciate you great job here a lot.