Please help me to correct it. I am studying for an upcoming exam and I will have to write a paragraph (140-160 words) Thank you in advance!

In several countries, teenage students are stressful with working industriously in their studies. There are some factors causing this issue. To begin with, the number of students is increasing gradually. More and more children go to school every year, so that the competition for high quality schools and classes becomes much stronger, which leads to the pressure to obtain good grades in examinations. In addition, many children made their children work too hard at school. Most parents in these countries expect their kids to do what they considered “noble” work such as being a doctor, engineer, etc. For instance, a successful businessman may want his child to follow his path, although the child is into art or music. Therefore, adolescents are pushed too much in order to achieve their families’ dream and having to study what they do not really like or excel at makes them more exhausted. Last but not least, media contribute to the problem. Seeing news about excellent students with ideal academic performance makes teenagers unconsciously bear in mind the thought of being the best student to be loved and respected. In conclusion, I assure that youngsters should be more relaxed in their education.

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Hi, please find an amended version of your essay below:

In several countries, it is stressful for teenage students to work diligently in their studies. There are some factors that cause this problem. First of all, the number of students is gradually increasing. Every year, more and more children go to school, so the competition for good schools and classes becomes much stronger, which leads to the pressure to get good grades in exams. In addition, many children make their children work too hard in school. Most parents in these countries expect their children to do what they consider to be “noble” work, such as becoming a doctor, engineer, etc.

For example, a successful businessman wants his child to follow his path, even though the child is interested in art or music. Therefore, young people are pushed too hard to achieve their families’ dream, and having to study something they don’t really like or excel at makes them even more exhausted. Last but not least, the media also contributes to the problem.

When they see news about excellent students with ideal academic performance, they unconsciously make teenagers cherish the thought of being the best student in order to be loved and respected. In conclusion, I can assure that teenagers should be more relaxed in their education.

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Some time ago I had to do similar task, but my writing skills were awful, same they are now :sweat_smile: So pity I found this forum too late, but when I was working for my paragraph I used a course and had nothing to worry about, it became my saving

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Hi Lana, welcome to our forum. I’ve amended your text here:

Some time ago I had a similar task to do, but my writing skills were terrible, just as they are now :sweat_smile: Too bad I found this forum too late, but when I was working for my paragraph I used a course and didn’t have to worry, it became my salvation.

1 Like