Please help me check my self-introduction. Thank you

[bridgetttt]

HI, everyone. I’m preparing for postgraduate entrance exam ad here is my self-introduction for the coming interview. Could you help me check if there are some problems in it? I would be appreciated for your help.
Good morning/afternoon, (dear) professors:
It is a pleasure for me to be here to introduce myself.
I’m XX, a major in translation from Nanjing University of information science and technology (NUIST).
My friends say that I am a hard-working/diligent and reliable person and I consider myself a fast learner. The four years of college have witnessed my growth in academic improvement and independent ability alike. I’ve passed TEM-8, won some prizes in the writing competition and dedicated my enthusiasm to work in the Student Union. Also, I have acted as an intern teacher in a high school for a time. All these experiences have enriched my understanding of the world and helped me acquired the ability to deal with something troubled us in calm.
As for my hobbies, I love music and books. And I also like doing some sports with my family and friends, for example, playing badminton with my brother and doing some jogging.
My perseverance is one of the merits which I think I own. Although failing in the exam last year, I still believed that further study is the best way for my development. So I have keep up improving myself and struggling. Working in silence, I will let the success be my noise. I’m looking forward to being a part of your university, and that’s all for my introduction, thanks for giving me this opportunity to have the interview. Thank you.

[Luschen]

Hi Bridgett, good luck and here are my suggestions:

@bridgetttt

Good morning/afternoon, (dear) professors: {I would probably leave out the “dear” here}
It is a pleasure for me to be here to introduce myself.
I’m XX, a major in translation from Nanjing University of information science and technology {capitalize all these words of the school’s name} (NUIST).
My friends say that I am a hard-working/diligent {either or both are fine} and reliable person and I consider myself a fast learner. [These] four years of college have witnessed my growth in academic improvement and independent ability alike. I’ve passed TEM-8, won some prizes in the writing competition and dedicated my enthusiasm {“dedicated my enthusiasm” sounds a bit odd to me - what exactly do you mean?} to work in the Student Union. Also, I have acted as an intern teacher in a high school for a time. All these experiences have enriched my understanding of the world and helped me [acquire] the ability to deal with something troubled us in calm. {“something troubled us in calm” is incorrect - maybe “deal with those challenges that tend to disrupt our calm”}
As for my hobbies, I love music and books. And I also like doing some sports with my family and friends, for example, playing badminton with my brother and [going] jogging.
My perseverance is one of the [positive character traits that] I think I own. Although failing in the exam last year, I still believed that further study [was] the best [way to continue] my development. So I have [kept] up {although i think “kept on improving” is better here} improving myself and struggling. Working in silence, I will let the success be my noise. {“noise” has too much of a negative connotation - maybe “let my success be my voice” or “let my success be my proclamation”} I’m looking forward to being a part of your university, and that’s all for my introduction, thanks for giving me this opportunity to have the interview. Thank you.

[bridgetttt]

Wow! That’s so useful. Thank you so much. The phrase“dedicated my enthusiasm" means " tried my best…". On consideration, I think I should leave it out. Thank you.

[Luschen]

Or maybe just “dedicated myself to working in …” or “dedicated my efforts toward working in …”

[bridgetttt]

That’s right. I agree with you. Thank you.