Please help me check my reports. Thank you so much!

[Nguyenanh92]

I am preparing for the IELTS Test, not TOEFL Test. But I still hope that I will receive your checking and advice on my writing. I don’t study in any English Center but I study myself so your help is really important to me. Thank you so much!

It’s a report for Task 1 in IELTS

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
[photo]1473[/photo]

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of teachers divided by gender in six different educational levels in the UK in 2010. As can be seen from the chart, the two systems with the youngest age ranges of learners were dominated by women, but in the other ones, the proportions of men were equal or even more than those of women.
Nursery and primary school were two educational systems in which percentage of women was particularly high. In the aforementioned systems, female teachers made up a noticeably large proportion, which was more than 90 per cent of the total number of teachers.
The rate of female teachers tended to decrease in higher levels of education. In secondary school, college and private training institute, the proportions of men and women represented were nearly equal. The domination of men was particularly high in university, where there were twice as many men as women teachers.
Overall, the higher the level of education was, the more male teachers dominated, and the reverse occurred to female teachers.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one problem with contribution approach?

[Luschen]

Hi Nguyenanh, I thought you did a great job with this report. You gave a very good overview, which is often lacking in these responses. From your report I was able to get a clear understanding of the data and what the graph really means. You did have a few phrases that could be expressed more clearly, but your use of English was very good. Overall, I would rate this a band 7.

@Nguyenanh92

I am preparing for the IELTS Test, not TOEFL Test. But I still hope that I will receive your checking and advice on my writing. I don’t study in any English Center but I study myself so your help is really important to me. Thank you so much!

It’s a report for Task 1 in IELTS

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
[photo]1473[/photo]

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of teachers divided by gender in six different educational levels in the UK in 2010. As can be seen from the chart, the two systems with the youngest age ranges of learners were dominated by women, but in the other ones, the proportions of men [male teachers] were equal or even more than those of women.
Nursery and primary school were two educational systems in which [the] percentage of women was particularly high. In the aforementioned systems, female teachers made up a noticeably large proportion, which was more than 90 per cent of the total number of teachers.
The rate{“ratio” is better here} of female teachers tended to decrease in higher levels of education. In secondary school, college and private training institute[s ], the proportions of men and women represented were nearly equal. The domination of men was particularly high {you say it is “particularly high” but you have not mentioned any domination at all previously} in university, where there were twice as many men as women teachers.
Overall, the higher the level of education was, the more male teachers dominated, and the reverse occurred [with respect] to female teachers.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one problem with contribution approach?

[Luschen]

Hi Nguyenanh, I thought you did a great job with this report. You gave a very good overview, which is often lacking in these responses. From your report I was able to get a clear understanding of the data and what the graph really means. You did have a few phrases that could be expressed more clearly, but your use of English was very good. Overall, I would rate this a band 7.

@Nguyenanh92

I am preparing for the IELTS Test, not TOEFL Test. But I still hope that I will receive your checking and advice on my writing. I don’t study in any English Center but I study myself so your help is really important to me. Thank you so much!

It’s a report for Task 1 in IELTS

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
[photo]1473[/photo]

The bar chart illustrates the percentage of teachers divided by gender in six different educational levels in the UK in 2010. As can be seen from the chart, the two systems with the youngest age ranges of learners were dominated by women, but in the other ones, the proportions of men [male teachers] were equal or even more than those of women.
Nursery and primary school were two educational systems in which [the] percentage of women was particularly high. In the aforementioned systems, female teachers made up a noticeably large proportion, which was more than 90 per cent of the total number of teachers.
The rate{“ratio” is better here} of female teachers tended to decrease in higher levels of education. In secondary school, college and private training institute[s ], the proportions of men and women represented were nearly equal. The domination of men was particularly high {you say it is “particularly high” but you have not mentioned any domination at all previously} in university, where there were twice as many men as women teachers.
Overall, the higher the level of education was, the more male teachers dominated, and the reverse occurred [with respect] to female teachers.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is one problem with contribution approach?

[Nguyenanh92]

Thank you so much for your help!

[Nguyenanh92]

I really appreciate your correcting. It helps me a lot
I still have something to ask you to make clear for me

1. In the introduction, you told I should use male teachers rather than men. So, is it right if I use “women” or I must use “female teachers” (in the same sentence)
2. Can you explain to me the difference between rate and ratio. When should I use either of them?
3. How can I correct the sentence “The domination of men was particularly high …”? Can I correct it “The quantity of men was markedly high …” (And Does particularly have the same meaning as markedly?"
   Thanks a million!

[Luschen]

@Nguyenanh92

I really appreciate your correcting. It helps me a lot
I still have something to ask you to make clear for me

1. In the introduction, you told I should use male teachers rather than men. So, is it right if I use “women” or I must use “female teachers” (in the same sentence)

Yes, I think female would be better to stay consistent. The main point is that “men” does not work as an adjective, so you need “male teachers”.

2. Can you explain to me the difference between rate and ratio. When should I use either of them?

A ratio is always a comparison between two numbers - here, the ratio of male to female teachers. A rate is just a single number. Looking back at your writing, I guess that rate would work, since you are only talking about the female number, but I changed it to ratio because implicitly you are comparing the number of men to the number of women.

3. How can I correct the sentence “The domination of men was particularly high …”? Can I correct it “The quantity of men was markedly high …” (And Does particularly have the same meaning as markedly?"

For some reason, “high domination” does not sound natural. You could say “the domination of men was markedly intense/complete/noticable”. Particularly is used to show a particular example of an overall trend, so you should mention the overall trend before you use particularly. - “In higher education, the number of male teachers begins to outpace the female ones. This is particularly true at the university level, where male professors show a noticeable domination of the teaching field.”
Thanks a million!

[Nguyenanh92]

Thank you so much. I really got it. That’s the reason why I extremely need help of a native speaker ^^. I often can not realize such small differences between those words

Below is my next report I have just written today. Correct it for me please

The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features
[photo]1474[/photo]

A glance at the graph provided illustrates some striking changes in the rate of UK teenagers choosing to eat a vegetarian diet from 1960 until now and reveals the prediction of the trend in the near future. As can be seen from the graph, the 60-years period sees considerable fluctuations in the proportion of young vegetarian in UK, with high in 1980 and low in the 1990s.
It is evident that in 1960, there was no adolescent eating vegetarian food. During the next two decades, however, the rate was increasing rapidly, reaching a peak at more than 15 % in 1980. This was followed by an exponential fall of approximately 10% in the next 10 year period. After fluctuating at somewhere between 4 and 8 % during the period between 1990 and 2000, the rate of teenagers practising vegetarianism in UK has climbed gradually to somewhere in the vicinity of 11% in 2012. Since then, it is projected to decline slightly again and possibly level off by the end of the decade.
Overall, over the past fifty years, there has been significant variation in the percentage of UK adolescent exercising a vegetarian diet and the figure is expected to be more stable in the near future.