Please help me check my first essay. Thank you so much!

Dear Mr. Luschen. I began to practise writing task 2 in IELTS and here is my first essay
If you have time, please help me to check it and give me some comments on my very first one. Thank you so much and wish you a nice day, teacher!

[b]Topic: Many people believe that formal ‘pen and paper’ examinations are not the best method of assessing educational achievement.

What is your view of examinations?[/b]

In recent years, the role of examinations, especially the “pen and paper” ones, in evaluating student’s ability has never failed to attract people’s attention and spark controversy as to whether they should be abandoned or not. Some argue that examinations enable teachers to evaluate exactly students’ performance; however, many people, myself included, believe that examination is not the best method to measure educational performance. Discussed below are three primary reasons supporting my perspective.
People should first recognize that the results of exams might depend on plenty of other factors beside student’s ability and effort. Psychologically and physiologically state of candidates can lead to unexpected results. Some learners who have been hard-working and put enormous efforts into their preparation might still get a disappointing score, or even fail in the exam, in case they feel nervous or in a bad health state. Moreover, the appearance of faults and errors in questions, student cheating when sitting exams, mistakes in marking score, … could be seen as causes of bias in examination results.
Another strong argument is that examinations are hard to embed skill-testing challenges. Undeniably, examinations can only evaluate theoretical knowledge of learners, while assessment of practical skills requires student’s applications in real situations. For instance, students might not have the ability to repair electronic problems despite their extremely high results in physics exams. Due to the fact that examinations could not reflect the hands-on ability, leaners tend to concentrate mostly on theory on textbook, which results in their lack of real experiences. The dramatic increase in the unemployment rate among high-result graduates could be a typical evidence.
Exams, with the above-mentioned drawbacks, should be in combination with, or even replaced by continuous assessment. Teachers today have a wide range of choices in evaluating such as essays, team projects, presentations, … which can be given throughout the courses. An effective and reasonable combination of these ways can prompt students’ alertness during the studying process and avoiding cramming for exams, a popular trend among students with the traditional final examinations.
It is therefore safe to say, considering all the factors given, that examinations should not be considered as the most effective method of assessment. Teachers, professionals and experts should consider some alternative ways in order to improve the quality of the educational system.

TOEFL listening lectures: A lecture from a science class