Please help me check my errors and give me some advice for my writing

[Ng_c_Nguy_n]

Some people argue that the university entrance exam is necessary in Vietnam, others argue that it should be removed because students are under pressure when taking this exam. Tell which position you agree with and why?
In Vietnam, students have to take an exam in order to be accepted into a university called the university entrance exam. This has lasted for many years because it is believed that this exam not only has evaluated exactly student’s ability but also has motivated them to study hard. However, some people suppose that this exam puts an amount of stress on students so it should be removed. In my opinion, the university entrance exam is necessary and not able to be canceled for the following reasons.
Firstly, taking the university entrance exam will motivate the students to learn hard. In Vietnam, this exam is important to students so they have to try their best to get high scores. However, it seems not easy to master their knowledge and reach their goals if learners do not spend much time and efforts in studying and practicing in many years. Also, due to pressure from studying, many students tend to quit their studying if they do not have their own targets. However, to get into a favorite university, students can get over those difficulties in their schoolwork and become more responsible for their studying.
Secondly, the ability of student can be evaluated more exactly when organizing the university entrance exam. This is a chance for learners to show their efforts as well as their ability that may not be seen in many school years. In many cases, some students do not have a good performance in their class just because they do not really concern about their studying. Nevertheless, when facing one of the most important events in their life, students will remind themselves to be more responsible for what they are doing. As a result, those students will focus more on their schoolwork and can express their real talent in the exam. In addition, some students can cheat at the tests when they take the normal exams but they can not copy their friend’s results or use trick to get high marks in university entrance examination because contestants will be observed closely by supervisors.
Some people claim that taking this exam put a huge amount of stress on the examinees so removing this is necessary. This point has some merit on the surface. However, as stated previously, pressure is an important factor that motivates students to learn seriously. Moreover, the tension in studying makes students become more mature. Life is not easy so learners need to adapt and get used to the stress. Hence, it can prevent students from being shocked when they have an independent life.
In conclusion, there are undoubtedly many benefits to organizing university entrance exam for the student. In fact, this exam can encourage students to work hard and judged objectively the ability of learners. Taking a university entrance exam is a good chance to express student’s talent as well as guaranteeing justice.

[Luschen]

Hi Ngọc Nguyễn, I really enjoyed this essay. I tend to side on the opposite side, but your reasons are very convincing and backed with clear and relevant explanations. I especially liked the paragraph where you give the opposing viewpoint, but you did a great job of showing why this is not a valid criticism of your opinion. Your writing is clear, but you do have a few odd or awkward sounding phrases, as well as some grammar mistakes. Here are some specific suggestions:

@Ng_c_Nguy_n

In Vietnam, students have to take an exam [the University Entrance Exam] {if this is its proper name, then capitalize it} in order to be accepted into a university called the university entrance exam. This has lasted {“This has been the case for” sounds better here - usually an exam only lasts 4 hours or so! } for many years because it is believed that this exam not only [can precisely evaluate a] has evaluated exactly student’s ability but also [can motivate] them to study hard. However, some people suppose that this exam puts an [undue] amount of stress on students so it should be removed. In my opinion, the university entrance exam is necessary and [should not be] be canceled for the following reasons.
Firstly, taking the university entrance exam will motivate the students to learn hard. {“learn hard” sounds odd, study hard is ok though} In Vietnam, this exam is important to students so they have to try their best to get high scores. However, it seems not easy [impossible/difficult/unlikely] to master their knowledge and reach their goals if learners do not spend much time and efforts in studying and practicing [for] many years. Also, due to pressure from studying, many students tend to quit their studying if they do not have their own targets. {“have their own targets” is a little unclear to me, you mean if they are not focused on their future?} However, to get into a favorite university, students can get over [overcome] those difficulties in their schoolwork and become more responsible for their studying.
Secondly, the ability of [students] can be evaluated more exactly when [utilizing] the university entrance exam. This is a chance for learners to show their efforts as well as their ability that may not be [have] seen in [their] many school years. In [numerous] {to avoid back to back repetition of “many”} cases, some {it is confusing when you use “many” and “some” together like this} students do not have a good performance in their [classes] just because they [are] not really [concerned] about their studying. Nevertheless, when facing one of the most important events in their life, students will remind themselves to be more responsible for what they are doing. As a result, those students will focus more on their schoolwork and can express their real talent in the exam. In addition, some students can cheat at the tests when they take the normal exams but they can not copy their friend’s results or use [tricks] to get high marks in [the] university entrance examination because contestants {this is sort of funny, because I guess it is a contest, but not really!} [test-takers] will be observed closely by supervisors. {for your information, the specific term here is “proctors”}
Some people claim that taking this exam [puts] a huge amount of stress on the examinees so removing [it] is necessary. This point has some merit on the surface. However, as stated previously, pressure is an important factor that motivates students to [take learning] seriously. Moreover, the tension in studying makes students become more mature. Life is not easy[,] so learners need to adapt and get used to the stress. Hence, it can prevent students from being shocked when they have an independent life. [become indepdent and live on their own] {this sounds more natural - and before it sounded like the independent life was what was shocking them - Oh goodness! I’m independent! }
In conclusion, there are undoubtedly many benefits to organizing [relying on] university entrance exam for the [students]. In fact, this exam can encourage students to work hard and judged objectively [judging] the ability of learners. Taking a university entrance exam is a good chance to express [display] student’s talent as well as guaranteeing justice.