Please help correct my grammar and expression in my essay

Dear all, I’m a newbie and I’m desperate for help on my essay because grammatical errors and my expression keep decrease my mark. I realize that without help from someone, I would not pass so please help me . thank you. Below is my essay:(the underlined is my thesis statement)

             Contrast Between Simplicity and Materiality in Burch’s The Technology of Simplicity

Living a happy life is crucial for everyone. Scientists around the world have done many researches to come up with a solution to make people live a happy life for years. The topic on how to live a happy life seems to get more and more people’s attention. In a similar way, most religions also teach people how to live a certain ways to have a happy life. And like religion and science, there is always contrast and conflict between the belief and the fact. In “The Technology of Simplicity” by Mark A. Burch, the contrast between the elements of simplicity and materiality is being compared when it comes to live a happy life.

According to Burch, sometimes, the simple things in life can bring more happiness to people when he refers to the element of simplicity. The author grows up spending many crisp October days with his father sitting silently in the forest hunting deer. Eventually, Burch becomes so connected to the forest as “If I was silent enough, it seemed to forget me, or perhaps accept me as part of itself…” he says. Being connected to the nature, Burch starts to appreciate the feelings of calming and relaxation. Beside the state of feeling worry free from living a simpler life, Burch believes that the element of simplicity can lead to a happy life when he describes “It also became entirely irrelevant how I was dressed (other than being protected from the elements)….” According to the author, once people feel happy with what they have, ultimately, they will live the happy lives and it is just as simple. In some countries, people sometimes say to each other “if you look above, you see many people that are luckier than you, but when you look below, there are many people that not as fortunate as you” as a way to make them value the things that they have. On the other hand, Burch also discusses about how many people live their lives focused too much on materiality.

While living a simpler life can lead to happiness, Burch feels that today’s society is very consumptive as it “enjoys less and less as it tries to consume more and more.” In “The Technology of Simplicity,” the author states that other hunters do not know how to enjoy the beauty and benefits from nature; instead, in their eye’s, forest is the source to provide materiality – deer. Therefore, many hunters only find their happiness through materiality. Further, Burch describes how his child is growing up learning that “life in the consumer society is the moment of newness, the adrenaline rush of discovery, the hyper-charged, narcotic-like flash of novelty that goes with [‘]throughput[‘].” The author uses his son to refer to younger generation who grows up in a rich society and that they are being provided with material that exceeds their need; as a result, they do not value on things that they have, but rush for news things. Eventually, they do not see the real meaning of happiness but to chase materiality.

In Burch’s short story, the contrast between the elements of simplicity and materiality is clear when one finds that living a simpler life means happiness while others’ happiness are being found from materiality. In Burch’s “The Technology of Simplicity,” sitting silently and becoming part of nature, although seems bland to some, but according to Burch, is the truth meaning of a happy when he feel relax and careless. While the author seeks happiness from simplicity, many others find their happiness from materiality. For the hunter in Burch’s “The Technology of Simplicity,” their happiness is weighted base on the number of deer that they catch. Moreover, another contrast between simplicity and materiality in Burch’s piece is that while the author find happiness on the things that he has, for others, living in abundance means happiness. According to Burch, having a father is already a wonderful thing when he learns so many valuable lessons from his father. He learns from his father how to value and reserve the beauty and quality of the forest. He acknowledges that not every child is lucky to have a father. Moreover, once Burch’s father or the nature is gone forever, it is clear that they are the most important. On the other hand, Burch’s view about human happiness is completely opposite to others when they only find their happiness through materialism. In Burch’s “The Technology of Simplicity,” the reflection of joy through materiality is vivid when happiness is based on quantity, not quality. Unlike Burch when he values and cherishes everything around him, others seem to measure their joyful feelings based on the quantity.

In conclusion, In “The Technology of Simplicity” by Mark A. Burch, the difference in pursuing happiness is transparent between the two elements – simplicity and materiality. For Burch, spending time with his father in the forest and enjoying peaceful moment is a joyful life. In contrast, other hunters only have good times when they hunt a lot of deer. In the hunters’ eyes, forest is a valuable source that provides them income and food. Moreover, the opposition between simplicity and materiality is obvious when Burch values and have a good time with his father; others, including his son, count their happiness based on materiality. Burch describes how his son is so excited seeing lots of presents under the Christmas tree. He then rushes to open one present after the others and not understanding the value in each present. In “ The Technology of Simplicity” by Mark A. Burch, the author contrasts how his view about happiness from simplicity and others’ happiness from materiality.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why are these young men in conversation?

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Hi, here are some comments, hopefully they will be helpful

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I’m really appreciated for your help Luschen. Thank you.