Please guys, somebory could help me with my essays ??

[Layzagentil]

Hi Everyone !!!

How you going ?? So I’m very desperate because my Toefl test will come soon and I need some help with my essays. So please if you could take a look in this to me I would be very thankful.

Best Wishes.

Layza

TOEFL listening lectures: A university arts lecture on Greek drama

[Layzagentil]

This is one of them…

Work when a person is young have good sides. For exemple, this person will have responsability soon, beside that, he will have his own money. So he will be able to buy the things that he wants and spend it with what he want. But one thing can’t be foget in all this: The study.
When somebody start to work, this person has less time to study. Because work take a lot time and energy. Normally people works 6 or 8 hours per day and the school take 5 or 6 hours. Beside that, the students need time to do homework and study in home. So for somebody work and study this person need have a lot discipline. In order to this isn’t a simple thing to do. In fact is something very hard, but not impossible.
Although many parents knew work when is young is good to have resposability they prefer to give an allowance to their sons. So when they need money to buy something the parents give but if the money over he will have to wait some time to have it. It’s like one salary. The good side is the young one gets responsability with this. As he knows if the money over he will need to wait as i just said. And this one will continuous have his time to study without to worry about with a job.

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your writing needs a lot of work. You need to study the proper format for a TOEFL essay. Your first body paragraph was relatively clear, but I could not really understand your second one at all. There should really be a conclusion as well. This webpage has some good information on the correct structure of an essay: bookrags.com/articles/4.html
You have a fairly basic vocabulary, but even some simple words are used incorrectly. You have quite a few grammatical errors as well. Overall, I would rate this essay a 2 out of 5.

@Layzagentil

This is one of them…

Work[ing] when a person is young have[has its] good sides. For exemple,{sp} this person will have responsability{sp} soon{the connection with your previous sentence is not clear}, [and] beside[s ] that, he will have his own money. So he will be able to buy the things that he wants and spend it with what he want. But one thing can’t be foget[forgotten] in all this: The [importance of] study. {this is not a clear thesis - what is your main point of the essay?}
When somebody start[s ] to work, th[at] person has less time to study.{comma} Because work take a lot time and energy. Normally people works 6 or 8 hours per day and the school take 5 or 6 hours. Beside[s ] that, the students need time to do homework and study in[at] home. So for somebody [to both] work and study this person need have[takes] a lot discipline. In order to [do] this isn’t a simple thing to do. In fact [it] is something very hard, but not impossible. {these last two sentences sound pretty unnatural}
Although many parents kn[ow] [that] work[ing] when [one] is young is good to have[instill] resposability{sp} they prefer to give an allowance to their sons. So when they need money to buy something the parents give [it to them] but if the money over he will have to wait some time to have it. It’s like one salary. {these last two sentences were very unclear to me} The good side is the young one gets [learns] responsability with[from] this. As he knows if the money over he will need to wait as i just said. And this one will continuous have his time to study without to worry about with a job. {this entire paragraph is very unclear to me}

[Layzagentil]

Hi Luschen !!!

Thank you !!! You really help me a lot!!

I’ll write more essays and them I’ll try going better!!