Please grade my Ielts test!

[Tieuthusoomi]

[color=red]Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruin one’s health completely. What is your opinion?

Nowadays everyone like keeping fit, even men. Eating less seems to be a fashion. Some individuals think that dieting either help a person’s life better or put down their health. In my opinion, it is possible to say that dieting has its own advantages and disadvantages.

It is believed that you just should eat less when you feel overweight and unfitness. Because having a meal with no protein or vitamin can impact strongly both your health and mental health, unfortunately it is not a good effect. For example, a person wanting to diet because of her/his body will have a menu without meats, chicken, or some things else which consist of fatty acid. He or she can keep fit well, but the consequence is his/her health will become worse. It will cause heart attack unless people eat vital nutrients and minerals enough.

In contrast, sometimes dieting becomes important. As we know, junk food is always the enemy of health. But today there are many people think it is edible day by day. And these men are extreme weight gain. No one says a fatty is strong. On the contrary, fat person is easier to be suffering from life-threatening illness than thin person. For instance, scientist’s research shows that the number of death because of sickness consists of many fat persons. Thus, if you feel your weight is too over, you should have a right dieting.

Last but not least, dieting is a thing that people ought to be careful with it, because it can cause a negative or positive result. You’d better take some advices from your doctor if you’d like to have a dieting.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History (2)

[Luschen]

Hi Tieuthusoomi, welcome to the forum. I think your essay is pretty good. You have good content and have addressed the prompt well. For TOEFL essays, they usually want you to address either one side or the other, but for the IELTS, talking about both sides of the issue is fine. You have many good ideas with details to back them up. I don’t think your presentation is as good as your content though. Your vocabulary is pretty basic and you have some words used incorrectly as well as have several incorrectly structured phrases. I think your essay is too assertive in some places, you can’t for instance say that all people who eat junk food are fat. Overall, I would rate this a band 5, maybe a 5.5

@Tieuthusoomi

[color=red]Dieting can change a person’s life for the better or ruin one’s health completely. What is your opinion?

Nowadays everyone like keeping fit, even men. Eating less seems to be a fashion. Some individuals think that dieting either help[s ] a person’s life [get] better or [while others believe is is hazardous to] put down their health.{your sentence sort of implied that people might believe both these things} In my opinion, it is possible to say that dieting has its own advantages and disadvantages.

It is believed {I would add “widely believed”, but active voice is better} that you [should] just should eat less when you feel overweight and unfitness. Because having a meal with no protein or vitamin[s ] can [strongly] impact strongly both your health [physical] and mental health, unfortunately it is not a good effect.{“effect” is not really correct - “choice” or “plan” or “decision” are better} For example, a person wanting to diet because of her/his body will have{“may have” is better} a menu without meats, chicken,{“chicken” is a meat, so this sounds odd} or some things else which consist of fatty acid. {this last phrase is confusing to me - what do you mean?} He or she can keep fit well, but the consequence is his/her health will become worse. It will {once again “may” is better}cause [a] heart attack unless people eat [enough] vital nutrients and minerals enough.

In contrast, sometimes dieting becomes important. As we know, junk food is always the enemy of health. But today there are many people [it] think it is edible {well, it is edible - maybe "think it can be eaten day after day without consequence
day by day.{“day by day” means not really planning ahead - you mean day after day} And these men {sounds a bit like only men eat junk food or are affected by it} are [experience] extreme weight gain.{say “often”} No one says a fatty {“a fatty” is too informal to use in a IELTS essay} is strong. On the contrary, [a] fat {“obese” is a godo word to use here} person is easier[more likely] to be suffering from life-threatening illness than [a] thin {“slender” is a good synonym to learn} person. For instance, scientist’s{“scientific” is better here} research shows that the number of death[s ] because of sickness consists of many fat persons.{this makes it sound like only fat people die} Thus, if you feel your weight is too [high]over, you should have{“begin” is better here} a [reasonable diet] right dieting.

Last but not least, dieting is a thing that people ought to be careful with it, because it can cause a negative or positive result. You’d{avoid contractions} better take some advices{“advice” is non-countable singular} from your doctor if you’d like to have a dieting[start a diet].

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History (2)

[Tieuthusoomi]

tks so much!! This is my first time to post an essay in this forum, i’ll try better in the future ^^