Please grade my essay...

In some organizations, promotions are based on seniority, while in other organizations, promotions are based on performance. Discuss the advantages of each position. Then indicate which position you think is best and why.

Nowadays organizations try to use different methods to promote their employees that will positively impact their willingness to work and foster an environment that cultivates success and inspiration. Some people affirm that the promotion should be based on seniority for several reasons.
To begin with, the proponents of this viewpoint affirm that old people are more experienced and positively impact the company. It is indisputable that many companies prefer to have well experienced workers as they contribute a lot and provide the stability of the company. Moreover, they state that new employees are mostly inclined to make mistakes rather than experienced employees are wiser to avoid mistakes, think sensibly and make right decisions.
In addition, companies benefit more by hiring experienced employees as they do not have to provide special training courses for new employees. Moreover, the senior employees may convey their knowledge and pass on their experience to young employees. It is indubitable that some organization provide training courses for young employees by experienced workers that help company to work more efficiently and productively.
In contrast, some people assert that companies should promote employees due to their performances for several reasons.
Firstly, the performance is the best measurement of one’s achievements. It is indubitable that employees should be evaluated based on their accomplishments. It is indisputable that performance of the employees includes both their experience and education. Therefore, those workers who contribute more should have a highest chance to get promoted to higher positions and make a good career.
Secondly, promotion based on the performance will be an impetus for employees to realize their full potential and contribute everything they are capable of doing. There is no doubt that it will motivate employees to perform at an exceptional lever and boost the profits of the company. Furthermore, it will be incentive for employees to improve their abilities and hone their skills attending different training courses.
To sum up, in my view it is more advantageous to promote the employees based on their participation, as it will be very beneficial for both the company and the employees . It will inspire employees to work diligently and increase the profits of the company.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why has the student been taking statistics?

Hi Ani, I thought this was some of your best writing in terms of grammar and word choice, but I don’t think you got the structure quite right. Your thesis has to combine both positions, saying each one has certain advantages. You sort of have two separate theses here, which makes it sound like two separate essays - a bit confusing. Also, I think you need to spend a little more space on your preference and have at least one or two concluding sentences, even if you don’t have a separate conclusion paragraph. I think this is true even if you have to cut your body paragraphs back a bit to save enough time.