Please grade it--Is progress always good?

[Cathyxu]

Topic–Is progress always good?
There is no denying that it’s progress that propels society forward. Primitives discovered fire, creating a new era; ancestors invented books, accelerating our history of civilization; we create computer, bringing about a revolution of information explosion: in one word, we are now in the ocean of various products of progress. But, is progress always good? My answer is no.
To begin with, if we take a little while to recall the root cause of the aggression history, we can find that progress could be the catalyst of the war. Take England for instance, the economy boosted due to progress in the Industrial Revolution, so British sought to find outlets for the surplus productivity. This desire drove England to accelerate the pace of traveling all around the world to find the potential foreign market, and gradually, took over some Asian countries and made them its colonies. If the discovery of the steam engine had never been found, the fate of Asian countries would have changed completely.
Second, progress should be in good use. According to a survey by the police, the most commonly used sedatives, such as opium, designed to help relieve pain during the operations, are also used frequently in sexual and physical abuse. This medicine proves useful when first introduced to the field of surgery, some ingredients inducing people to sleep and lose consciousness. Many products of progress like this are invented with side effect. If these weapons are in the hands of vipers, they can also be edge tools of facilitating the crime.
Third, in modern society, everyone is involved in the progress of our era, and we should not take this for granted and be childish to refuse all the improvements. But we should ask ourselves, what did we lose in the process of progress? A telephone call infusing your air with the command of the boss in a second, the separate wall of work and life is breached; a machine making it possible to mass-produce gifts, the pristine satisfaction of do-it-yourself is devoid; A computer screen popping up hundreds of dialog boxes, a free afternoon with a cup of coffee and a yellow-paged book is luxurious. The initial intention of achievement is good , but we did sacrifice a lot in exchange for advancement.
To sum up, progress is not always good. In history, it augmented productivity, then indirectly aroused the outward expansion. In the hands of bad guys, it can be the arm of criminals. In modern society, it speeds up the tempo of life.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university instructors

[Luschen]

Hi Cathy, I always enjoy reading your essays, as they are so creative and explore beyond the standard essay boilerplate. You have some great ideas and your writing is very clear and convincing. You don’t have too many outright errors, but you do have some places where a word or phrase change would make your writing sound more natural. Your concluding sentence also seemed a little abrupt. Overall, I would rate this a 4.5 out of 5.

@Cathyxu

Topic–Is progress always good?
There is no denying that it’s{avoid contractions} progress that propels society forward. Primitives discovered fire, creating a new era; [our] ancestors invented books, accelerating our history of civilization; we [have] create[d the] computer, bringing about a revolution[ary] of information explosion:{this sounds more natural to me} in one word, we are now in the[an] ocean of various products of progress. But, is progress always good? My answer is no.
To begin with, if we take a little while to recall the root cause of the aggression history [of aggression], {or “of our violent history”} we can find that progress could be the catalyst of the war. Take England for instance, the economy [was] boosted {or “the economy soared”} due to progress in the Industrial Revolution, so [the] British sought to find outlets for the[ir] surplus productivity. This desire drove England to accelerate the pace of traveling{“travel” sounds better here - usually when a word can be a verb or noun, we just use the base word as a noun in situations like this} all around the world to find the potential foreign market[s ], and gradually, took over some Asian countries and made them its colonies. If the discovery of the steam engine had [not taken place] {you don’t really find a discovery} never been found, the fate of Asian countries would have changed completely.
Second, progress should be in [put to] good use. According to a survey by the police, the most commonly used sedatives, such as opium, designed to help relieve pain during the operations, are also used frequently in sexual and physical abuse. This medicine prove[d ] useful when first introduced to the field of surgery, [with] some ingredients inducing people to sleep and lose consciousness. Many products of progress like this are[have been] invented[, but] with side effect[s ]. If these weapons are in the hands of vipers, they can also be [sharp-]edge[d ] tools of facilitating the[ir] crime[s ].
Third, in modern society, everyone is involved in the progress of our era, and we should not take this for granted and be childish[in ] to refus[ing] all the improvements. But{avoid beginning sentences with “but” - here you can say “Still,”} we should ask ourselves, what did we lose in the process of progress? A telephone call infusing your air with the command of the boss in a second, {this sounds pretty odd - infusing your air - maybe “invading your space”} the separate wall of work and life is breached; [with] a machine making it possible to mass-produce gifts, the pristine satisfaction of do-it-yourself is devoid; [with a] computer screen popping up hundreds of dialog boxes, a free afternoon with a cup of coffee and a yellow-paged book is luxurious. The initial intention of achievement is good , but we did sacrifice a lot in exchange for advancement.
To sum up, progress is not always good. In history, it augmented productivity, then indirectly aroused the outward expansion. In the hands of bad guys,{“bad guys” is too informal - sounds like a gangster movie - maybe “miscreants” or “the morally corrupt”} it can be the arm of criminals. In modern society, it speeds up the tempo of life. {seems like there is only last summary sentence missing}

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university instructors

[Torsten]

There is no denying that it is progress that drives society forward. The primitives discovered fire, creating a new era; our ancestors invented the book, advancing the history of our civilization; we developed the computer, triggering a revolution of information explosion: In a word, we find ourselves today in a sea of different products of progress. But is progress always good? My answer is no.
If we first look a little at the causes of aggression, we will find that progress can be the trigger of war. Take England, for example: the economy was boosted by the advances of the Industrial Revolution, and the British were looking for ways to exploit the surplus productivity. This desire drove England to accelerate its travels around the world to find the potential foreign market, and gradually it took over some Asian countries and made them its colonies. If the discovery of steam engine had never happened, the fate of Asian countries would have been completely different.

Second, progress should be put to good use. According to a police investigation, the most commonly used sedatives, such as opium, which are intended to relieve pain during surgery, are also commonly used for sexual and physical abuse. This medicine proves useful when first used in surgery, as some ingredients cause people to sleep and lose consciousness. Many products of progress like these have been invented with side effects. When these weapons are in the hands of vipers, they can also serve as tools to facilitate crime.

Third, in modern society, everyone is involved in the progress of our times, and we should not take this for granted and be childish and reject all improvements. But we should ask ourselves: what have we lost in the course of progress? A phone call that blows up the boss’s order in a second breaks down the partition between work and life; a machine that enables the mass production of gifts misses the original satisfaction of DIY; a computer screen on which hundreds of dialog boxes appear turns a free afternoon with a cup of coffee and a yellowed book into a luxury. The original intent to get things done is good, but we’ve sacrificed a lot to get ahead.

In short, progress is not always good. In history, it has increased productivity and then indirectly promoted outward expansion. In the hands of bad guys, it can be the weapon of criminals. In modern society, it accelerates the pace of life.