Please evaluate and grade my essay. Thank you.

[Mathew179]

Hi Luschen. This is my first GRE issue

[color=blue]Topic:31) Society should make efforts to save endangered species only if the potential extinction of those species is the result of human activities.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

The suggestion that society should make efforts to save endangered species only if the potential extinction of those species is the result of human activities is plausible, but we cannot make judgment too simplistic.

Indeed, with the limited resource and money, nowadays, to save some certain endangered animals still has many obstacles, resulting in to save those animals we can save. For example, the polar bear is an endangered species now in that global warming and sea level raised decrease their habitat. As a result they don’t have enough area to find food. Nevertheless, we hardly take a measure to save them because the problems of global warming and sea level raised are tremendous issues behind the human all over the world and nobody could find an excellent and efficient way to change it. In this case, to save those kinds of species, such as polar bear, is a impossible mission.

However, the attitude of the suggestion of saving the animals only endangered by human behaviors is skeptical, the reason as follow. First, most of time people cannot make sure that our behaviors would exert bad influence on the habitat of animals, so if we don’t know which the potential extinction it is, this suggestion is ridiculous. Taking the use of detergent for example, in the past, we have no idea on using detergent will pose a threat on urban water system. However, in fact, when we realize some disaster happened, such as water contamination and extinction of fish in the urban river, it is too later to save them. Furthermore, if we don’t take measure to save some certain endangered species such as panda, we may become the last creature in this planet. Panda is endangered not for human behaviors, but for itself lose many ability of competition with other species. Nonetheless, panda is Nation treasure of China, and it also contributes to the improvement of friendship of each country. In this case, to save those species such as panda also is very crucial.

What we should do is attempting to change our attitude towards any species on this planet. We are only a kind of animal in the world rather than the god or mater of the world, so we should keep the integrity of nature rather change the world to let it adjust ourselves. Also, making any effort to protect all the animals endangered by both nature factors and human factors will benefit everyone and the society as a whole. Under no circumstance could people live without other creature’s help.

In conclusion, we should erect our confidence to save the any creature in this world, because different species make our planet more beautiful.

[Luschen]

Hi Mathew, not too bad, though some of your reasons were not that convincing to me. I guess my problem is I am having trouble thinking of any species facing extinction which has not been affected detrimentally by human activities. I think you might score a 3, based on your numerous small errors in grammar and usage that make some of your essay sound a little unnatural. I think your content is at the 4 level.

@Mathew179

Hi Luschen. This is my first GRE issue

[color=blue]Topic:31) Society should make efforts to save endangered species only if the potential extinction of those species is the result of human activities.
Write a response in which you discuss your views on the policy and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider the possible consequences of implementing the policy and explain how these consequences shape your position.

The suggestion that society should make efforts to save endangered species only if the potential extinction of those species is the result of human activities is plausible, but we cannot make judgment too simplistic. {I would not recommend copying the prompt word-for-word. It is better to rephrase it in your own words}

Indeed, with the limited resource[s ] and money,{no comma} [available] nowadays, to sav[ing] some certain endangered animals still has many obstacles, resulting in [the decision] to save those animals we can save. For example, the polar bear is an endangered species now in that global warming and [the rising] sea level raised [are] decreas[ing] their habitat. As a result they don’t have enough area to find food. Nevertheless, we [can] hardly take a[ny] measure[s ] to save them because the problems of global warming and [rising] sea level raised are tremendous issues behind the human {“behind the human” is wrong - I guess you mean “caused by humans”} all over the world and nobody could find an excellent and efficient way to change it. In this case, to save those kinds of species, such as polar bear[s ], is a impossible mission.

However, the attitude of the suggestion of saving [to save] the animals only endangered by human behaviors is skeptical, [for the following] reason[s ] as follow. First, most of time people cannot make[be] sure that our behaviors would exert [a] bad influence on the habitat of animals, so if we don’t know which the potential extinction it [could contribute to] is, this suggestion is ridiculous. Taking the use of detergent for example, in the past, we ha[d ] no idea on [that] using detergent w[ould] pose a threat on[to] urban water system[s ]. However, in fact, when we realize some disaster [had] happened, such as water contamination and extinction of fish in the urban river, it [wa]s too later to save them. Furthermore, if we don’t{avoid contractions} take measure[s ] to save some certain endangered species such as [the] panda, we may become the last creature [ o]n this planet. Panda is endangered not for[due to] human behaviors, but for itself los[ing] many abilit[ies to] of compet[e ] with other species. {I don’t think this is true - most scientists agree the panda’s problem is habitat loss caused by mankind} Nonetheless, panda is [a] [ n]ation[al] treasure of China, and it also contributes to the improvement of friendship of each country.{this sounds odd - I think you mean friendship between countries} In this case, to save those species such as panda also is very crucial.

What we should do is attempting to change our attitude towards any[every] species on this planet. We [humans] are only a[one] kind of animal in the world rather than the god or ma[ster] of the world, so we should keep the integrity of nature rather [than] change the world to let it [force it to] adjust [to] ourselves. Also, making any effort to protect all the animals endangered by both natur[al] factors and human factors will benefit everyone and the society as a whole. Under no circumstance could people live without other creature’s help.

In conclusion, we should erect our confidence{“erect our confidence”} to save the any creature in this world, because different species make our planet more beautiful.

[Mathew179]

Thank you~

[Mathew179]

OK~I found some information about panda from Wikipedia. It seems that the panda really loses some abilities to live in the wild.

Diet
Despite its taxonomic classification as a carnivoran, the giant panda’s diet is primarily herbivorous, consisting almost exclusively of bamboo.

The average giant panda eats as much as 9 to 14 kg (20 to 30 lb) of bamboo shoots a day. Given this large diet, the giant panda can defecate up to 40 times a day.[35] Because it consumes a diet low in nutrition, it is important for it to keep its digestive tract full.The limited energy input imposed on it by its diet has affected the panda’s behavior. The giant panda tends to limit its social interactions and avoids steeply sloping terrain to limit its energy expenditures.

Reproduction
Panda Research and Breeding Centre in Chengdu.
Initially, the primary method of breeding giant pandas in captivity was by artificial insemination, as they seemed to lose their interest in mating once they were captured.

The current reproductive rate is considered one young every two years.
(I guess that if the panda has so low rate of reproduction in the lab, it may have lower rate in the wild~~)

If twins are born, usually only one survives in the wild. The mother will select the stronger of the cubs, and the weaker will die.