Please correct my essay!!! Thank you!!!!!!!

“If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.”

I live in a small city where a lot of changes would be made in order to improve it. In my view, such a change would be the enrichment of the public library. People have lost their interest in it since it does not provide them with a wide variety of books.

To start with, currently our public library has few books and thus does not meet the demands of the population. My cousin and I, for example, used to go to the library at least once a week in order to borrow some books. After approximately three years we have read almost all the books. Consequently, it is difficult to find new and interesting books to borrow. That is why we often end up purchasing books from different kind of bookstores. However, this solution has a lot of disadvantages because not only is it costly but also we do not have large bookcases to store all these books.

Another reason that explains why improving the public library is worthwhile is the fact that having a library full of different kinds of books motivates people to read more. Nowadays, people spend most of their time at work. An old and poor in book library does not motivate anyone to go there and read or borrow a book. To illustrate this, twenty years ago my mother used to visit this library almost everyday. In fact, in the past it was one of the best libraries in my country. Unfortunately, nowadays it has only some old books and it is not supplied with new ones. That is why the young people ignore it while they prefer to spend their time playing video games.

To sum up, I believe that if the public library would be improved offering a wide variety of books then a lot of adults would visited it again. As a result, young people would be motivated to read more and they would learn the value of a good book.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university instructors

you should learn how to write essays at first

can you be more specific? What was the part that you didn’t like? Your comment doesn’t help so you would better not comment at all.