Please correct my essay: Teachers are responsible for motivating students, thanks

[Lvar]

Teachers are responsible for motivating students to learn

Should teachers have responsibilities to motivate their students to learn? I believe that students should be self-motivated to learn for the following reasons.

In our society, the progress of technologies and the rapid growth of economy require students to learn for their whole lives. The knowledge that we can study from universities or schools is far from enough to handle issues of our work and lives. For people who are quick learners, they improve themselves daily. Nevertheless, for people who are less motivated to learn and unwilling to study, they fail in their lives and work. Sadly, their teachers can not always be around them to motivate them and to lift their spirits. The job of motivating thus leaves for students themselves. Teachers become a guider not a cheer leader to our studies.

Students should truly love to learn from their hearts, instead of having motivated or being pushed by their teachers. For example, there was an interview of a group of intellect students. They were asked: why can they achieve so many academic successes? Why are they always eager to study more? The answers were always that they were interested in studying and liked to understand more. None of them said that there were teachers who motivate them and asked them to work harder everyday.

Admittedly, some people may claim that the motivation from teachers has positive impacts on their students. However, one study shows that for students who are older than 14 years old, consistently motivations from their teachers make students less willing to learn. This is because students can become resistant to do things which they are pushed to do.

In sum, it is not teachers’ responsibilities to motivate students to learn. Learning is a task of the students. Real loving of learning and consistent of learning can create a life time success and happiness for the students.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a university service representative

[Luschen]

Hi, I think your essay is very good. I like your structure, although your introduction is a bit too brief. Your body paragraphs are well organized with good topic sentences. You do have a few odd sounding phrases and some grammatical and sentence structure errors, but overall it is not too bad. I would rate this essay a 4 out of 5.

@Lvar

Teachers are responsible for motivating students to learn

Should teachers have responsibilities{“the responsibility” sounds better to me} to motivate their students to learn? I believe that students should be self-motivated to learn for the following reasons. {this introduction is a bit short - maybe add a few more introductory sentences about motivation and/or teachers}

In our society, the progress of technolog[y] and the rapid growth of [the] economy require students to learn for[throughout] their whole lives. The knowledge that we can study from[at] universities or schools is far from enough to handle [all the] issues of our work and lives. For people who are quick learners, they improve themselves daily. Nevertheless, [as] for people who are less motivated to learn and unwilling to study, they fail in their lives and work. Sadly, their teachers can not{one word} always be around them to motivate them and to lift their spirits. The job of motivating thus leaves [should thus be left] for students themselves. Teachers become a guider [guides] not a cheer leader[s ]{one word} to[for] our studies.

Students should truly love to learn from their hearts, instead of having [to be] motivated or being pushed by their teachers. For example, there was an interview of a group of intellect[ual] students. They were asked: why can they achieve so many academic successes? Why are they always eager to study more?{use a comma and quotation marks here} The answers were always that they were interested in studying and liked{“wanted” or “desired” would be better} to understand more. None of them said that there were teachers who motivate[d ] them and asked them to work harder everyday.{two words here}

Admittedly, some people may claim that the motivation from teachers has positive impacts on their students. However, one study shows that for students who are older than 14 years old, consistently motivations from their teachers make[s ] students less willing to learn. This is because students can become resistant to do[ing] things which[that] they are pushed to do.

In sum, it is not teachers’ responsibilities to motivate students to learn. Learning is a task of{“that falls upon” sounds better} the students. Real lov[e] of learning and consistent[cy] of learning can create a life time{one word} [of] success and happiness for the students.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a university service representative

[Ahmedlyton]

Lvar wrote

Admittedly, some people may claim that the motivation from teachers has positive impacts on their students. However, one study shows that for students who are older than 14 years old,

Hi Luchen, shouldn’t it be looking good if we write —on their studies instead,students?
and, then 14 years,instead old?

Do they make enough sense?

Kind regard.

[Lvar]

Thank you Luschen. I am so grateful. Without your help, I cannot find out where I wrote wrong
Now I learn that ‘motivation’ in my essay is not an accountant;
Consistent and everyday are adjectives;
It is resistant to doing/ to sth;
which clauses are non-restrictive.
I wish you have a nice day
Lvar

[Luschen]

@Ahmedlyton

Lvar wrote

Admittedly, some people may claim that the motivation from teachers has positive impacts on their students. However, one study shows that for students who are older than 14 years old,

Hi Luchen, shouldn’t it be looking good if we write —on their studies instead,students?
and, then 14 years,instead old?

Do they make enough sense?

Kind regard.

Hi Ahmedlyton, if we change it to “Admittedly, some people may claim that the motivation from teachers has positive impacts on their studies.” it is unclear to me who “their” refers to - the people, or the teachers, or the teachers’ students. I think the original sentence was more clear.

“14 years old” is the standard way of stating someone’s age. “He is 14 years” is not really correct. I do understand that it sounds repetitive and awkward having two "old"s so close to each other. A good alternative might be “students who are older than 14 years of age.” or maybe even better “students who are aged 15 or older.” - it is good enough for a medical journal: ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7624399

[Ahmedlyton]

Luschen,

About the age, now it sounds good.

Thanks writing me.

Do you think it(this sentence) looks odd-----thanks writing me-among the natives?

[Luschen]

“Thanks writing me.” does not make sense to me. Also, “among the natives” sounds a bit odd - a “native American” is an indigenous person, I am more of a European American I guess.

[Ahmedlyton]

Yes, you are right in the USA, it must look so.

Thanks for writing me or anything else?

Kind regards.

[Luschen]

Thanks for writing me is fine, but it means thanks for your letter or email, so it does not really apply here. “Thanks for responding to me” would be more appropriate. Note that even though you can say “thanks for writing me” instead of “thanks for writing to me” (although both are fine), you must use the “to” with “responding”.

[Ahmedlyton]

Thanks,

Yes, I got to understand, in addition, “respond” definitely needs a preposition.

[Beeesneees]

@Luschen

Thanks for writing me is fine, but it means thanks for your letter or email, so it does not really apply here. “Thanks for responding to me” would be more appropriate. Note that even though you can say “thanks for writing me” instead of “thanks for writing to me” (although both are fine), you must use the “to” with “responding”.

‘Thanks for writing me’ would not be as widely accepted in the UK as it is in the US.