Please correct my essay. My previous post was not paid attention.

[Naser_Nasr]

compare and contrast life in the time of the previous generation and your generation.

Today, people are facing with new issues which did not exist in the past. Modern technology has brought us many benefits. Yet, there are a few serious drawbacks as a result of expanding technology. Moreover, in the past, people tend to be more religious and moral, while in the modern life almost all things have nothing to do with religeon and ethics and other similar issues.

The most obvious different between the past and contemporary time is that the technology has expanded drastically. Thanks to advancement in technology, many irritating matters are solved and people are experiencing easier lives. For example, consider the case of communication. In the past there were a few ways for this such as writing a paper letter and barely making a phone call, while in the modern life, with the advent of computers, people can communicate through the net much more efficiently. On the other hand, no one can claim that all developed technologies are spotless and useful. We all know about disastrous phenomena regarding new technologies. For instance, biologic findings are not all promising and useful. Being used new hormones and pesticids to boost growth of plants, people are experiencing unknown illnesses such as several types of cancer. According to a conducted study, several side effects were verified as a result of using artificial fertilizer in farms. In the past, farmers utilized authentic materials in their ranches, thereby, they did not have mentioned problems.

The other important aspect with regard to changes in the past and current period is people’s notions, and in particular, their religious and moral beliefs. With furious blast of violent and sexual scenes through mass media and the internet in the modern era, individuals do not any more respect to previous taboos and ethics. A good case in point is about marriage and premarital sex issue. The previous generation cannot believe that most of the people experience sex before their authentic marriage; nevertheless, it is an accepted behavior for the new generation.

In this essay, I tried to demonstrate some relative merits and demerits of new technology in modern life. In addition, changed ethics through time was considered. Having taken all presented arguments, in the writer’s point of view, living in the past is more rewarding than living in current time.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students (1)

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your essay was very good. You have a good structure and your ideas are clear for the most party. Your vocabulary is not too bad and you have used most of your words correctly, with just a few exceptions. You do have a few incorrect verb tenses and some grammatical and spelling errors. You also have a few unclear and/or unnatural sounding phrases. This essay is very close to a 4, but due to some of your odd phrases, I will have to give it a 3.5 out of 5.

@Naser_Nasr

compare and contrast life in the time of the previous generation and your generation.

Today, people are fac[ed] with new issues which did not exist in the past. Modern technology has brought us many benefits. Yet, there are a few serious drawbacks as a result of expanding technology. Moreover, in the past, people tend[ed] to be more religious and moral, while in the modern life almost all things have nothing to do with religeon{sp} and ethics and other similar issues. {this last phrase is a bit unclear to me - what do you mean by “all things”?}

The most obvious differen[ce] between the past and contemporary time is that the technology has expanded drastically. Thanks to advancement in technology, many irritating matters{“irritating matters” sounds odd to me} are[have been] solved and people are experiencing easier lives. For example, consider the case of communication. In the past there were a few ways for this {“few ways for this” sounds a bit unnatural - maybe “in the past there were only a few ways to send information”} such as writing a paper letter and barely{“barely” is unclear here - what do you mean?} making a phone call, while in the modern life, with the advent of computers, people can communicate through the net much more efficiently. On the other hand, no one can claim that all developed technologies are spotless{“spotless” is not exactly right - “flawless” is better} and useful. We all know about disastrous phenomena regarding new technologies. For instance, biologic[al] findings are not all promising and useful. Being used[By using] new hormones and pesticids{sp} to boost growth of plants, people are experiencing unknown illnesses such as several types of cancer. According to a conducted study{“conducted study” seems redundant}, several side effects{“side effects” is a bit unclear here - do you mean in the crops, the farmers, the consumers?} were verified as a result of using artificial fertilizer in farms. In the past, farmers utilized authentic{“natural” is better} materials in their ranches, thereby, they did not have [these] mentioned {ok, but I would leave “mentioned” out} problems.

The other important aspect with regard to changes in[from] the past and [to the] current period is people’s notions, and in particular, their religious and moral beliefs. With [a] furious blast of violent and sexual scenes through mass media and the internet in the modern era, individuals do not any more[no longer pay] respect to previous taboos and ethics. A good case in point is about{“regards” is better} [the] marriage and premarital sex issue. The previous generation cannot believe {“cannot believe” sounds wrong - I think they cannot believe that the younger generation thinks this is morally permissible} that most of the people experience sex before their authentic marriage; nevertheless, it is an accepted behavior for the new generation.

In this essay, I tried to demonstrate some relative merits and demerits{merits is correct here, but demerits sounds unnatural - “drawbacks” is better} of new technology in modern life. In addition, chang[ing] ethics through time was considered. Having taken{“considered” is better} all [these] presented arguments, in the writer’s point of view, living in the past is[was] more rewarding than living in [the] current time.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two university students (1)

[Naser_Nasr]

Hi, thanks a lot. Your point are really useful, I have to say sometimes I do not want to repeat some phrases or I cant convey my idea directly and this lead to odd phrases.

Btw, I frequently have problem with the following structure, is it possible for you tho help to use it correctly?

Being used[By using] new hormones and pesticids to boost growth of plants, people are experiencing unknown illnesses such as several types of cancer.

Having considered all these presented arguments, in the writer’s point of view, living in the past was more rewarding than living in the current time.

[Luschen]

When using your sentence structure beginning with being, or having the subject after the comma is the thing that is being or having. Your first sentence does not make sense because people are not being used. For instance:
“Being used to prevent crop damage due to insects, pesticides play a valuable role in agriculture.” Here, pesticides are being used.
"Being concerned about the environment, farmers are constantly trying to improve their pest control methods. Here the farmers are being concerned.

Your second sentence is not good because it is unclear to me who is having.

“Having considered all the previous arguments, I believe that living in the past was more rewarding than living in the current time.”
“Having considered all the previous arguments, this writer believes that living in the past was more rewarding than living in the current time.”
Note that referring to yourself as “this writer” sounds to me a bit affected, {definition: Artificial, pretentious, and designed to impress} like speaking about yourself in the third person.

[Naser_Nasr]

Many thanks, I think I got it.