please correct my essay and score it, thank you so much!

English as a Second Language Preparation for and help with the TOEFL® Test and
1

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

In this intense competitive society, education plays a relatively substantial role in our life, as it directly influences one’s career options. Therefore, the debate on the major function of university has become a fiercely controversial issue. Some people claim that university is a place providing useful knowledge and work-related skills, whereas others argue that the curriculums university planned regardless the market demand. This essay will identify the main function of a university and present my own perspective.

To begin with, one of the primary functions of university is to afford the students with the theoretical knowledge. Although it may not directly relate to each student’s career option, it is the foundation of various skills. For example, a doctor has to study the basic notion of medical knowledge on different fields, then specialising in a particular subject to become a profession. Moreover, students with a strong base of knowledge would be easier to understand and absorb more complicated concepts. It just likes a pyramid, which has a solid base and then build up effectively to the top. Through long period of humans’ endeavour can pyramid became one of the spectacular architecture in the world. This convincing example indicates that firming the knowledge base is the initial step, which students need to do.

On the other hand, I personally deem that university do not only offer the theoretical concepts, but it is also providing a great deal of practical knowledge to the graduates. Some disciplines, such as science, architecture and engineering contain numerous experiments and testings. After having clear and strong basic concepts, students then have adequate capability to commence those practical exercises in order to approve the theories, thereby expanding their knowledge. Besides, many universities offer internship programs to the graduates. These programs give graduates opportunities to gain valuable working experiences and provide a good preparation in term of their future occupations. Furthermore, research programs are currently popular in university, since students can have certain level of freedom to choose a specialised area they like and undertake the research. This course combines both theoretical concepts and practical knowledge, as well as enhances students’ critical thinking and analytical skills.

In summary, the major function of university is not only affording the theoretical knowledge, but it also provides enormous practical opportunities to graduates regarding their future career. I believe that the main purpose of university is to help its graduates who are able to survive and thrive in the future.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the professor mention New York Harbor?

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Hi Milki,

You’ve structured your essay really well and have provided good examples. I think your use of vocabulary is generally good and your content, grammar and punctuation is also mostly appropriate. Well done.

I don’t have time to go through your entire text in detail, but have provided a corrected extract below for your information. Please ask if O’ve made any changes which you don’t understand.

[color=darkblue]In this intensely competitive society, education plays a relatively substantial role in our life lives, as it directly influences one’s career options [Better to match: our lives/our choices or one’s life/one’s choices]. Therefore, the debate on the major function of the university [The article here, because we are talking about the entire concept of University education] has become a fiercely controversial issue. Some people claim that university is a place providing useful knowledge and work-related skills, whereas others argue that the curriculums universities planned should be regardless the of market demand. This essay will identify the main function of a university and present my own perspective.

To begin with, one of the primary functions of university is to afford provide [Although I understand the sense in which you have used it ‘afford …with’ sounds very odd] the students with the theoretical knowledge. Although it [What? Better to use ‘such knowledge’ in order to clarify, instead of the pronoun in this new sentence.] may not directly relate to each student’s career option, it is the foundation of various skills. For example, initially a doctor has to study the basic notion of medical knowledge on in different fields, then specialising later they can specialise in a particular subject to become a professional in that area. Moreover, students with a strong base of knowledge would be find it easier to understand and absorb more complicated concepts. It is just likes a pyramid, which has a solid base and then builds up effectively to the top. Only through a long period of humans’ endeavour can the pyramid became one an example of some of the most spectacular architecture in the world. This convincing analogy indicates that firming the knowledge base is the initial step, which students need to do.