Please correct and rate my Toefl essay! Thank you very much!

[Voyager612]

Topic: Some people that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay:

Many people today think that we have turned the Earth into a better place to live. They think their lives are convenient and modern. However, I assert that human activity is damaging the Earth for it creates more pollution, calamities, and also destroys the planet’s resources.

Foremost, human have increased and expanded the pollution in the Earth. The industry releases a great amount of cacbon dioxide and other polluted gases and therefore, harmed the atmosphere dramatically. These gases contact with oxygen and nitrogen in the air and create poisonous gases, make breath’s problem and furthermore, raise the temperature especially in big cities. Moreover, many manufactures in third-world nations release the pollutants into the water directly, people in there usually use the water for making food, bathing and therefore absorb these pollutants to their bodies, causing many diseases.

Secondly, calamites are increased in intense and quantity. People have destroyed the forest for many years. This action makes the floods from the upstream of rivers become more powerful since they are not prevented by dense forests. These floods rush into villages and destroy crops, houses, and also wash the nutrient layer of the soil. Industrial activities also raise the temperature and make the air extremely hot in dry season.

Last but not least, human activities have destroyed the Earth’s resources. Forests are damaged and consequently, many organisms have disappeared. This causes the waste of food, material and damage the biodiversity. We also exploit the resource such as oil, wood and clean water. This leads to the case that our reservation has been minimized and since then push us into the energy crisis more rapidly.

In conclude, through human history, the Earth is heavily damaged in many aspects by human activities, causing our lives become worse. A plan to stop these actions is the need for our survival in the future.

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Carl Sandburg’s life does the professor mainly discuss?

[Luschen]

Hi, I thought your essay was very good up until your last body paragraph. You had a good overall structure and for the first three paragraphs your writing sounded very clear and natural with only a few errors. But you final body paragraph and your conclusion are much weaker, with many odd and unclear phrases and sentences. So overall, I can only rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Voyager612

Topic: Some people that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay:

Many people today think that we have turned the Earth into a better place to live. They think their lives are convenient and modern. However, I assert that human activity is damaging the Earth[,] for it creates more pollution, calamities, and also destroys the planet’s resources.

Foremost, human[s ] have increased and expanded the pollution in[throughout] {in sounds odd here} the Earth. The industry releases a great amount of cacbon[carbon] dioxide and other polluted gases{“polluted gases” is not correct - the gasses cause pollution} and therefore, harmed {don’t switch from present tense to past tense like this} the atmosphere dramatically. These gases contact[combine] with oxygen and nitrogen in the air and create poisonous gases, make breath[ing a] problem and furthermore, raise the temperature especially in big cities.{I think the manmade surfaces are what make the cities especially hot} Moreover, many manufactur[ers] in third-world nations release the[ir] pollutants into the water directly, {new sentence} people in there {“people in there” sounds very odd - are they in the water pipe or something?} usually use the water for making food [and] bathing and therefore absorb these pollutants [in]to their bodies, causing many diseases.

Secondly, calamities are[have] increased in intens[ity] and quantity.{be more specific. What calamities?} People have destroyed the forest for many years. This action makes the floods from the upstream [drainages] of rivers {“upstream of rivers” is incorrect} become more powerful since they are not prevented by dense forests. These floods rush into villages and destroy crops, houses, and also wash [away] the nutrient layer of the soil. Industrial activities also raise the temperature and make the air extremely hot in [the] dry season.

Last but not least, human activities have destroyed the Earth’s resources. Forests are{“have been” is better here} damaged and consequently, many organisms have disappeared. This causes the waste of food, material and damage the biodiversity.{this sentence is very unclear - how does using our resources result in food being wasted?} We also exploit the resource[s ] such as oil, wood and clean water. This leads to the case that our reservation {what do you mean by “reservation”?} has been minimized and since then push us into the energy crisis more rapidly.{this sentence is very awkward and unclear}

In conclu[sion], through[out] human history,{or maybe better “through human actions”} the Earth is [has become] heavily damaged in many aspects by human activities, causing our lives [to] become worse. A plan to stop these actions is the need [necessary] for our survival in the future.

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Carl Sandburg’s life does the professor mainly discuss?