Please correct and rate my Toefl essay, Luschen! Thank you very much!

Topic: The expression “Never, never give up” means to keep trying and never stop working for your goals. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Essay:

The expression “Never, never give up” has become very popular today among young generation. It expresses their vigorous souls that will do everything completely. Many people have the same point with them about trying their hard to achieve their goals. However, I believe that we should sometimes stop our work when we realize that it’s necessary to do so for several reasons.

First of all, just trying and never stop doing our work can negatively affect our future. To elaborate, it can lead you to a living that is not suitable for you. For example, I have a friend that I have known for seven years. The first day we met I was impressed by his ability in football and he told me he always wanted to be a great forward. However, his father forced him to attend an economic university and he, though was very sad, set his goal to become a top student in that university. He has tried his best to get high scores and became a very good student. However, a year ago he told me that he felt very boring with this and always wanted to change his major. Thus, just trying without consciousness can lead you to my friend’s situation.

Secondly, trying too hard in your job can weaken your relationships. Just imagine a student works all day because he wants to get a scholarship that requires high degree; he will definitely have little time to spend talking with his friends and family. Consequently, he will lose invaluable relationships that he cannot obtain by just trying to finish his goals. Let take another example of my cousin, he works all day in order to support his family; he simply think that his children only need financial support to be happy. However, his two sons are become disobey over time due to the lack of his awareness.

Finally, we should know where to stop to avoid losing out time. I remember when I first played computer game. I promised with myself that I would become the best player in my class and thus, I kept playing all day although my parents complained and my scores at the class dropped dramatically. I do not know what would happen with me if my teacher and friends did not advise me to leave it and I did it. In addition, knowing where to stop in love is very important. If you do not know where to stop with your first girlfriend, your second girl and so on, you will never find your true love and also spend a lot of time helplessly.

To sum up, just trying and trying and never stop to working for your goals have a variety of disadvantages such as negative effects on future, weakening relationships and losing your time. Chinese people have a famous quote” A wise man is the one who know where to stop”.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture on Modern World History

Hi Voyager, I thought this essay was very good. You had a lot of great ideas and they were expressed very clearly and naturally. You had some grammatical mistakes, more towards the end of your essay, and a few phrases that could be expressed more clearly. I am a bit on the fence, but I think this is a very good effort, so I will rate it a 4.5 out of 5.

[ing]

Hi, Luschen :slight_smile:
I have 2 problems that really need your explaination:
1/ Many people have [share] the same point with them about trying their hard[est] to achieve their goals.
Why must it be " share the same point" but not " have the same point with them" ?
2/ I do not know what would [have] happen[ed] with me if my teacher and friends did not advise me to leave it and I did it.
Why can’t I use the term " I dit it" ?
Thanks in advance :))
Have a nice day.

  1. Because you cannot have a point with someone.

2)There is no such word as ‘dit’ in English.

Thank you, Beeesneees!
I’m sorry, i mean " I did it"
Can you explain it to me?
Have a nice day!

  1. Because you cannot have a point with someone.

2)There is no such word as ‘dit’ in English.

Hi voyager, you can “have the same point as someone”, but not “with someone”.

“did it” is not really an error, but it sounds a bit odd to say “it” again right after the previous it, especially since they do not really refer to the same thing.