Please correct and rate my essay, Luschen, thanks :)

[Eliasbit]

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*Please tell me whether each paragraph sound natural or odd.

Imagine that you are in Las Vegas playing in a casino, so after gambling in many games and machines, you have lost almost every thing but still have the last ten dollars, what would you do? Well, my answer to this question is, I will set up a plan which will allow me to maintain my energy to get more money, so I would spend the ten dollars on a food, subsequently I will have the energy to think and plan for solving the problem. Personally, I think that success comes from careful planning. I believe this way for two imperative reasons: first, to reduce the risks of failure; and the second reason is related for the financial field.
To begin with, an accurate planing may reduce the risks of failure. So when the persons constitute a plan, he will be able to look for the future consequences whether they are negative or positive. Besides, the persons should investigate the pros and cons of his decision, hence he may reveal another way for achieving his goal with out confrontation of problems. By way of example, once my dad bought an apartment, he didn’t actually made any plan for this. However, I had to help him to find a new idea, so we start thinking about many probabilities such as a store or just to rent it. Subsequentely, after thinking deeply we decided to rent the place, because it will be less stressful for my dad because he does not have much time for many jobs.

In addition to the significance of decreasing the hazards, it is critical to consider the financial field. To elucidate, if people randomly think about investing into a specific project, they should be sure that this plan will not lead them to a wrong place. Admittedly, many businesses and corporation has failed which led them to be broken. I persume that they had decided to take a path which they did not really think about. Consequently, that lack of planing and thinking will cause to fiasco. For instance, some companies had achieved a great accomplishments which led them to earn abundance of money. However, their enthusiasm made them spend money carelessly. Consequently they had faced many finance problems.

By way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I am of the opinion that success will initiate after a deep thinking and planing for taking the step, and considering the negative side and the financial field are imperative rule for achieving success.

TOEFL listening discussions: What does an unlimited parking pass include?

[Luschen]

Hi, most of your essay was pretty good, but you sort of lost me in that first body paragraph. I liked your introduction, but choosing not to gamble away your last $10 still does not really seem like “careful planning” to me. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.

@Eliasbit

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*Please tell me whether each paragraph sound natural or odd.

Imagine that you are in Las Vegas playing in a casino, so after gambling in many games and machines, you have lost almost every thing{one word} but still have the [your] last ten dollars, what would you do? Well, my answer to this question is, I w[ould] set up{“establish” would be good here} a plan which will allow me to maintain my energy to get more money, so I would spend the ten dollars on a food, {new sentence} subsequently I will have the energy to think and plan for solving the problem.{this is a bit unclear to me - do you mean your problem is your gambling addiction?} Personally, I think that success comes from careful planning. I believe this way for two imperative reasons: first, to reduce the risks of failure; and the second reason is related for the financial field. {this sentence is not parallel enough in structure} {this paragraph sounded very natural}
To begin with, an accurate pla[n]ning may reduce the risks of failure. So when the persons constitute[s ] {this is not correct this would mean the plan is made up of the person - the person is physically part of the plan - like, water, beans, salt, and vegetables constitute a soup} a plan, he will be able to look for the future consequences whether they are negative or positive. Besides, the persons should investigate the pros and cons of his decision, hence he may reveal[come across or discover] another way for achieving{“to achieve” is better} his goal with out {one word} confrontation of problems.{this sounds a bit odd} By way of example, once my dad bought an apartment,[though] he didn’t actually made any plan for this. However, I had to help him to find a new idea, so we start[ed] thinking about many probabilities [possibilities] such as a store {this is confusing - do you mean turning it into a store? or living in a store?} or just to rent it. Subsequentely, after thinking deeply we decided to rent the place, because it will be less stressful for my dad because he does not have much time for many jobs. {this whole example is confusing to me and the paragraph sounds pretty unnatural}

In addition to the significance of decreasing the [potential] hazards, it is critical to consider the financial field[aspects of any decision]. To elucidate, if people randomly think about investing into a specific project, they should be sure that this plan will not lead them to a wrong place.{“wrong place” is a bit vague - do you mean “to financial ruin?”} Admittedly, many businesses and corporation[s have] has failed which led them to be broken.[bankrupt] I persume that they had decided to take a path which they did not really think about. Consequently, that lack of planing and thinking will cause to [a] fiasco. For instance, some companies had achieved a great accomplishments which led them to earn [an] abundance of money. However, their enthusiasm made them spend money carelessly. Consequently they had faced many financ[ial] problems. {this sounds better than the previous paragraph but still a bit odd}

By way of conclusion, based on the arguments explored above, I am of the opinion that success will initiate[arrive] after a deep thinking and planing for taking the [necessary] step[s ], and considering the negative side and the financial [risks] field are imperative rule[s ] for achieving success.

TOEFL listening discussions: What does an unlimited parking pass include?

[Eliasbit]

[quote=“Luschen”]
Hi, most of your essay was pretty good, but you sort of lost me in that first body paragraph. I liked your introduction, but choosing not to gamble away your last $10 still does not really seem like “careful planning” to me. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.
[color=blue]*Is it oki if i didn’t answer the question(From my perspective)
so after i ask “what would you do” just right couple of comments like> I presume that every one would act on his own way to this situation. Some would gamble on the 10 dollars even though that the probability is miniscule, while others would same the 10 dollars and find a place to sleep so on the next day they try to find a job to get their life back.
Tell me if the sentence is oki, and correct it if it have any mistakes.(I hope that the word “miniscule” fits in the sentence)

• what is the difference between “miniscule” and “minuscule”
  and when i can use those words?
  is it better to write “ten” or “10”, what do readers prefer?

[quote=“Eliasbit”]
Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*Please tell me whether each paragraph sound natural or odd.

Well, my answer to this question is, I w[ould] set up{“establish” would be good here} a plan which will allow me to maintain my energy to get more money, so I would spend the ten dollars on a food, {new sentence} subsequently I will have the energy to think and plan for solving the problem.{this is a bit unclear to me - do you mean your problem is your gambling addiction?}
[color=blue]No no, My problem is that i lost the money, so i have to earn the money.
What i was trying to say, that if i gamble there is a miniscule probability to win money, because the casino is about luck. However, insted of gambling on those ten dollars, finding a job will guarantee me to start earning money again and restore it.

• so here gambaling is not the problem, it was just an example of what would you do with those left up 10 dollars, so my answer was planning to earn money back.

  Personally, I think that success comes from careful planning. I believe this way for two imperative reasons: first, to reduce the risks of failure; and the second reason is related for the financial field. {this sentence is not parallel enough in structure} {this paragraph sounded very natural}
  [color=blue]What sentence? All of it? how can i fix it?

By way of example, once my dad bought an apartment,[though] he didn’t actually made any plan for this. However, I had to help him to find a new idea, so we start[ed] thinking about many probabilities [possibilities] such as a store {this is confusing - do you mean turning it into a store? or living in a store?} or just to rent it. Subsequentely, after thinking deeply we decided to rent the place, because it will be less stressful for my dad because he does not have much time for many jobs. {this whole example is confusing to me and the paragraph sounds pretty unnatural}
[color=blue]I’m sorry i didn’t clarify that this apartment was in the mall( I don’t know what to say"apartment in the mall") ?

Luschen, tomorrow i’m going on vacation for 2 days, I want to write another essay today, Please check it, and when i come back i will look at it again.

I read the ......... of that book but I couldn't possibly read the whole...

[Eliasbit]

Please replay

[Luschen]

@Eliasbit

@Luschen

Hi, most of your essay was pretty good, but you sort of lost me in that first body paragraph. I liked your introduction, but choosing not to gamble away your last $10 still does not really seem like “careful planning” to me. Overall, I would rate this a 4 out of 5.
[color=blue]*Is it oki if i didn’t answer the question(From my perspective)
so after i ask “what would you do” just right couple of comments like> I presume that every one would act on his own way to this situation. Some would gamble on the 10 dollars even though that the probability is miniscule, while others would same the 10 dollars and find a place to sleep so on the next day they try to find a job to get their life back.
Tell me if the sentence is oki, and correct it if it have any mistakes.(I hope that the word “miniscule” fits in the sentence)

[color=red]
I think you used miniscule fine - I would say: I presume that every one would act on {no preposition or “in” - either is fine} his own way to[in] this situation. Some would gamble on the 10 dollars even though that the probability is miniscule, while others would [use the] same the 10 dollars and find a place to sleep so on the next day they [could] try to find a job to get their life back [together].

• what is the difference between “miniscule” and “minuscule”
  and when i can use those words?
  [color=red]
  They are both the same - it sounds like “minuscule” was the original spelling: grammarist.com/spelling/minuscule-miniscule/

is it better to write “ten” or “10”, what do readers prefer?

[color=red]I would write out numbers, at least numbers less than 20.

@Eliasbit

Some people believe that success in life comes from taking risks or chances. Others believe that success results from careful planning. In your opinion, what does success come from? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
*Please tell me whether each paragraph sound natural or odd.

Well, my answer to this question is, I w[ould] set up{“establish” would be good here} a plan which will allow me to maintain my energy to get more money, so I would spend the ten dollars on a food, {new sentence} subsequently I will have the energy to think and plan for solving the problem.{this is a bit unclear to me - do you mean your problem is your gambling addiction?}
[color=blue]No no, My problem is that i lost the money, so i have to earn the money.
What i was trying to say, that if i gamble there is a miniscule probability to win money, because the casino is about luck. However, insted of gambling on those ten dollars, finding a job will guarantee me to start earning money again and restore it.

• so here gambaling is not the problem, it was just an example of what would you do with those left up 10 dollars, so my answer was planning to earn money back.

  Personally, I think that success comes from careful planning. I believe this way for two imperative reasons: first, to reduce the risks of failure; and the second reason is related for the financial field. {this sentence is not parallel enough in structure} {this paragraph sounded very natural}
  [color=blue]What sentence? All of it? how can i fix it?

[color=red]Just your last sentence was not parallel enough. You could say “I believe this way for two imperative reasons: first, to reduce the risks of failure; and second, to avoid financial problems.” I have two infinitives, so it sounds more structured.

By way of example, once my dad bought an apartment,[though] he didn’t actually made any plan for this. However, I had to help him to find a new idea, so we start[ed] thinking about many probabilities [possibilities] such as a store {this is confusing - do you mean turning it into a store? or living in a store?} or just to rent it. Subsequentely, after thinking deeply we decided to rent the place, because it will be less stressful for my dad because he does not have much time for many jobs. {this whole example is confusing to me and the paragraph sounds pretty unnatural}
[color=blue]I’m sorry i didn’t clarify that this apartment was in the mall( I don’t know what to say"apartment in the mall") ?
[color=red]
Probably " bought a space in a mall" or “bought a storefront in a mall”

Luschen, tomorrow i’m going on vacation for 2 days, I want to write another essay today, Please check it, and when i come back i will look at it again.

I read the ......... of that book but I couldn't possibly read the whole...