Please check my new essay. Thank you very much~

[Wendy_Zhao]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.

With the development of widespread of education, employers are in great demand. They require employees do well-relate with other people and have some work experiences. Many people think students should prepare work by themselves, but in my view, I disagree with the statement, I think college or university should provide more preparation for students before they graduate.

First of all, students can get some advices from their teachers to prepare work. Because teachers have a lot of experiences and they have wide range horizon as well. For instance, my brother Jack got a lot of help from his professor when he was a undergraduate. His professor gave him some suggestions such as took some part time jobs and worked another major. Finally when he graduated he found a decent job easily and he was very grateful for his professor.

Furthermore, schools can obtain more reputation when students worked in a good company. According to a recent survey conducted by the sociology department of Yale University among 2000 people , 98% respondents think students graduate from the famous schools are able to get some good jobs such as bankers, businessmen and managers. At the same time, students work in the famous companies will bring some benefits to their schools. Researchers believe if schools give students more preparation before they start working, it is not only good for students but also have benefits to themselves.

It is true that, if students have decent grades and detail resumes, they may find a well paying job. And achieve a good job is the duty of students themselves. However, schools help students to prepare tat can make students have more confidence and experiences, while at same time students find a good job also can bring a lot of reputations to schools. So I think schools should provide more preparation for their students.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the professor ask to see the student?

[Luschen]

Hi Wendy,

I thought your essay was pretty good. Your thesis was somewhat unclear to me though, which is a pretty big problem, as that is the most important sentence in any essay. You had some good reasons though, with clear topic sentences, although I thought your first body paragraph could have been improved. Your writing was not bad, though you have some phrases that are not quite right and some errors in preposition use. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

@Wendy Zhao

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? College or University should offer students more preparation before they start working.

With the development of widespread of education, employers are in great demand.{why are these two phrases related?} They require employees do well {“do well” is a bit vague} [,] relate with other people and have some work experiences. Many people think students should prepare [for] work {“for their careers” is better} by themselves, but in my view, I disagree with the statement,{semicolon or period} I think college or university should provide more preparation for students before they graduate. {this thesis is a bit unclear - first it sounded like you were saying that students should continue on to college, but now maybe you mean colleges should do a better job of preparing their students for the real world}

First of all, students can get some advices[advice] {non-countable, always singular} from their teachers to prepare [for] work. Because teachers have a lot of experiences {“experience” is better here} and they have wide range horizon{“wide range horizon” is unclear to me} as well. For instance, my brother Jack got a lot of help from his professor when he was a[n ] undergraduate. His professor gave him some suggestions such as t[aking] some part time jobs and work[ing] {but “adding” or “pursuing” are more clear, depending on what you mean} another major. Finally when he graduated he found a decent job easily and he was very grateful for his professor.{“for his professor’s help” might be better here} {This paragraph does not seem to address the prompt that directly - I am sure every school has professors - exactly what should the school do to allow these professors to better prepare their students? Maybe allow more office hours or personal one-on-one time with professors or advisors?}

Furthermore, schools can obtain more[better] reputation[s ] when students {“its graduates” is what you mean I think} worked in a good company. According to a recent survey conducted by the sociology department of Yale University among 2000 people , 98% [of] respondents think students [who] graduate from the famous schools are able to get some good jobs such as bankers, businessmen and managers. At the same time, students [who] work in[at] the famous companies will bring some benefits to their schools. Researchers believe if schools give students more preparation before they start working, it is not only good for students but also have benefits to themselves.[their institutions] {“themselves” was unclear - it sounds like you are still talking about the students}

It is true that, if students have decent grades and detail[ed] {“extensive” is better though} resumes, they may find a well paying job. And achiev[ing] a good job is the duty of students themselves. However, schools [that] help students to prepare tat can make students have more confidence and experiences, while at same time students [who] find a good job also can bring a lot of [enhanced] reputations to schools. So I think schools should provide more preparation for their students.

TOEFL listening discussions: Why did the professor ask to see the student?