Please check my essay, Thanks

[Keivan68]

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.

The author contends that some people believe that talents and interest should be considered as the mere factor by college students to choose a field of study, while other people assign the first importance to the availability of jobs in that field. In what follows the main reasons of both groups are discussed and then my own opinion would be presented.

The first group, stating that the field of study should be chosen regarding the students’ talents and interests, seem to have more idealistic attitudes; inasmuch as they ignore realistic situations. Those people seem to have two main reasons for their opinion. First, they believe that if someone loves his field, he will be successful in any situations; even if the situation is so adverse and hard to deal with. Conversely, if a person is reluctant and apathetic about his field, he would not try to become dexterous and so, even when there are many available job opportunities, he would not reach high levels of welfare. Second, even if these students reach a good job in the future, they would not enjoy their life because they do not consider their likings in their jobs.

The second group, affirming that students should choose their field of study with regard to job opportunities in their region, seem to be more realistic than the first group. Those people have this opinion because of their real experiences. They see many students in the society, who learned the college lessons with alacrity and became experts in their field, but these poor students are not prosperous in their occupational life. For example, in my country, some university fields accept more students than the real need of the society. Thus, many students would not even gain a job in their specialty, and have no choice except accepting lower class vocations in other fields. Regarding these facts, the second group hold the position that students should first scrutinize the availability of jobs in the field they have talent and interest in, and then take the final decision to choose it.

As for my point of view, I should say that I lodge myself somewhere between the two positions, but nearer to the second group. Nowadays, like the most parts of world, my country do not have favorable economical conditions. Therefore, by seeing this adverse situations, I became a more realistic person these days. I advise students to first list the field that they feel having more interest and talent in, then they consult the experienced persons to find out the availability of jobs in each field, and finally choose the field with more job availabilities.

[Luschen]

Hi Keivan, I thought you did a good job with this essay, though there is some room for improvement. You seemed to have a lot more grammatical errors in the final paragraph though.

@Keivan68

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.

The author contends that some people believe that talents and interest should be considered as the mere[sole] factor by college students to [who must] choose {or “when choosing”, but that is maybe too repetitive of the prompt} a field of study, while other people assign the first importance to the availability of jobs in that field. In what follows the main reasons of both groups are discussed and then my own opinion would be [is] presented.{I don’t really like this thesis - be more explicit and definitive}

The first group, stating that the field of study should be chosen [by] regarding the students’ talents and interests, seem to have more idealistic attitudes; inasmuch as they ignore realistic situations [as regards future employment chances] . Those people seem to have two main reasons for their opinion. First, they believe that if someone loves his field, he will be successful in any situations; even if the situation is so {“so” does not really work here - very is better, but no intensifier at all here is probably best} adverse and hard to deal with. Conversely, if a person is reluctant and apathetic about his field, he would not try to become dexterous {“dexterous” sounds too specific here, like physical dexterity} and so, even when there are many available job opportunities, he would not reach high levels of welfare.{“welfare” is too similar in context to its meaning of free government services - your meaning is confusing} Second, even if these students reach a good job {you don’t “reach” a job, you obtain, get, or land one} in the future, they would not enjoy their li[ves] because they d[id] not consider their likings in their jobs.{“their personal preferences when choosing their jobs” is better, but I don’t understand your point here - you are supposed to be talking about people who choose their fields for the job security or earning potential, right? }

The second group, affirming that students should choose their field of study with regard to job opportunities in their region, seem to be more realistic than the first group. Those people have this opinion because of their real[-world] experiences. {what would an “unreal experience” be?} They see many students in the society, who learned the[ir] college lessons with alacrity and became experts in their field, but these poor students are not prosperous in their occupational life.{“occupational life” sounds pretty odd} For example, in my country, some university fields accept more students than the real need of the society. Thus, many students w[ill] not even gain a job in their specialty, and have no choice except [to] accepting lower class vocations in other fields. Regarding these facts, the second group hold the position that students should first scrutinize the availability of jobs in the field they have talent and interest in, and then take the final decision to choose it.

As for my point of view, I should say that I lodge myself {“lodge myself” sounds a little odd, usually lodge in this context is intransitive, like “I am lodged”} somewhere between the two positions, but nearer to the second group.{what is the second group again? I think it is better to directly state your position rather than referring to previously mentioned groups, at least in the topic sentence} Nowadays, like the most parts of world, my country do[es] not have favorable economical conditions. Therefore, by seeing th[ese] adverse situations, I [have] bec[o]me a more realistic person these days. I advise students to first list the field that they feel having [they have] more interest and talent in, then they [should] consult the experienced persons to find out the availability of jobs in each field, and finally choose the field with more job availabilities.

[Luschen]

Hi Keivan, I thought you did a good job with this essay, though there is some room for improvement. You seemed to have a lot more grammatical errors in the final paragraph though.

@Keivan68

Some people believe that college students should consider only their own talents and interests when choosing a field of study. Others believe that college students should base their choice of a field of study on the availability of jobs in that field.

The author contends that some people believe that talents and interest should be considered as the mere[sole] factor by college students to [who must] choose {or “when choosing”, but that is maybe too repetitive of the prompt} a field of study, while other people assign the first importance to the availability of jobs in that field. In what follows the main reasons of both groups are discussed and then my own opinion would be [is] presented.{I don’t really like this thesis - be more explicit and definitive}

The first group, stating that the field of study should be chosen [by] regarding the students’ talents and interests, seem to have more idealistic attitudes; inasmuch as they ignore realistic situations [as regards future employment chances] . Those people seem to have two main reasons for their opinion. First, they believe that if someone loves his field, he will be successful in any situations; even if the situation is so {“so” does not really work here - very is better, but no intensifier at all here is probably best} adverse and hard to deal with. Conversely, if a person is reluctant and apathetic about his field, he would not try to become dexterous {“dexterous” sounds too specific here, like physical dexterity} and so, even when there are many available job opportunities, he would not reach high levels of welfare.{“welfare” is too similar in context to its meaning of free government services - your meaning is confusing} Second, even if these students reach a good job {you don’t “reach” a job, you obtain, get, or land one} in the future, they would not enjoy their li[ves] because they d[id] not consider their likings in their jobs.{“their personal preferences when choosing their jobs” is better, but I don’t understand your point here - you are supposed to be talking about people who choose their fields for the job security or earning potential, right? }

The second group, affirming that students should choose their field of study with regard to job opportunities in their region, seem to be more realistic than the first group. Those people have this opinion because of their real[-world] experiences. {what would an “unreal experience” be?} They see many students in the society, who learned the[ir] college lessons with alacrity and became experts in their field, but these poor students are not prosperous in their occupational life.{“occupational life” sounds pretty odd} For example, in my country, some university fields accept more students than the real need of the society. Thus, many students w[ill] not even gain a job in their specialty, and have no choice except [to] accepting lower class vocations in other fields. Regarding these facts, the second group hold the position that students should first scrutinize the availability of jobs in the field they have talent and interest in, and then take the final decision to choose it.

As for my point of view, I should say that I lodge myself {“lodge myself” sounds a little odd, usually lodge in this context is intransitive, like “I am lodged”} somewhere between the two positions, but nearer to the second group.{what is the second group again? I think it is better to directly state your position rather than referring to previously mentioned groups, at least in the topic sentence} Nowadays, like the most parts of world, my country do[es] not have favorable economical conditions. Therefore, by seeing th[ese] adverse situations, I [have] bec[o]me a more realistic person these days. I advise students to first list the field that they feel having [they have] more interest and talent in, then they [should] consult the experienced persons to find out the availability of jobs in each field, and finally choose the field with more job availabilities.