Please check my essay, Thanks

Topic : Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they already know how to do well.

The statement talks about that people who like to try new things and take risks have more chance to success, rather than people who only do what they already know. I concede that in a few respects, people work in their comfort zone can have opportunity to success. In most respects, however, I still agree that people who try new things bravely can success more time.

First, those people who enjoy to try new things can build up flexibility and courage in different situation. People with flexibility and courage can comfortably encounter, and solve more problems, because they are used to change. For example, one of my friends, Linda, who always tries new one when she has many choices, had opportunity to go to France for one year work individually. And during her time in France, she also traveled to many countries in Europe by herself. She made many of her first time in that trip. So when she find job after graduated, a international company recruited her, because she is able to involve in different situation quickly. Finally, She successfully got a job with very high salary.

Second, people who always do things that they are familiar to are hardly to adapt when the environment change. For example, one of my friends, Tommy, who is a good student, scored high in every class. She knew how to study, and spent much of her time in preparing for test. However, after graduated, and entered job market, she can’t adapt to the new environment. She felt upset and fail to control her work. Finally, she was fired by that company.

In sum, people who like to try new works and take risks have attitude to success, rather than people who only do what they already know. Were we always do things that we already be familiar, we would fail when usual condition alter. It’s mandatory that new, challenged, and risky things should be taken that we can always keep us in flexibility and be brave to face changes.

Please give me score and feedback. Thanks for your help. :slight_smile:

TOEFL listening lectures: What aspect of Ben Franklin’s life does the speaker mainly discuss?

Hi, I think your writing is not too bad. You have a pretty good structure, although I think your introduction could be improved. You have addressed the topic correctly, but you have some repetition in your phrases (and in your errrors! ) you have quite a few grammatical errors and some unclear and odd sounding phrases, but your vocabulary is not too bad. Overall, I would rate this a 3.5 out of 5.

Thanks for your help. I’ll try hard to improve my essay.

I hope you are giving your best…

Keep going.

I think you are giving your best…

Keep going.