Please check my essay and rate it. I need your help!

Grade it and suggest me for improving writings as well as point out my weakness. Thanks in advance.

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Present a written argument or case to an educated reader with no specialized knowledge of the following topics. Different countries of the world have different cultures. But today these culture are being mixed up and it causes people to lose their own culture of the society or race. What do you think are the reason for people to lose their own culture? How can it be preserved? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. You should write at least 250 words.
Men have a excellent quality of adjusting as well as learn new things if it is under his interest. This quality has worked for human evolvement and existence under several difficulties. Without this quality, human would not be existed. But it has some demerits also such as lost of one’s original culture by adopting with others attractive culture. There are good variations between two societies by their social culture. So culture lost should not be acceptable though new culture introducing is appreciated. Every nation should keep their culture as it represents their history.
This is a sad information that evolvement of technologies are responsible for lost some ancient culture of some countries. On the other hand, these technologies are also helped to survive some others ancient culture. However it is not acceptable to lost culture. Everyone should take proper step to keep those cultures because of protecting history. Technology like Television is most responsible for losing culture. Because young generations are too much addicted by new things without justify. As a result, they forget their own culture and adjusting with new culture which are come from another country via Television. Nowadays, Internet is also doing same work for lost culture.
To speak true, we should take a positive and effective step to keep our culture. On the same time, we cannot give up technologies which are greatly responsible for missing culture, because it is invaluable in others perspective. But we can control in using technologies like without telecasting bad cultured program. As well as, we must introduce and patronize some programs like cultural or occasional from individual and government, which advertise and motive people about own culture.
Grade it and suggest me for improving writings as well as point out my weakness. Thanks in advance.

TOEFL listening discussions: What does an unlimited parking pass include?

Hi, this essay was very difficult to read and understand. You have many very awkward words and phrases. You have addressed the topic correctly, but you have a lot of repetition and you should use more examples. I would rate this essay a band 5.

Thanks a lot Luschen…