Please check and rate this essay for me? Thank you in advance.

Hello, I really need help for checking my essays, I have a Tofel exam few days later, and I like to know where is my main problem in writing and how can I improve my writing skill during the remaining time. I got a 20 in wrinting in my previous toefl exam but I need at least 4 more points in this section.

It is said that people are using text messages and email more than writting notes or letters by hands. Which do you prefer to do? Give reasons and examples to explain your prefrence.

Writing a letter has several benefits which are not found in using email and text messages. I think a letter can show feeling of the writer better than an email because receiver can touch it. The font which letter is written by is a distinct font of a particular person and that is not a machine soulless one. It allows the writer to post a gift. In my view, a letter is more intresting than an email and text messages but writting and posting a letter is not practical all the times. It is time consuming and slow and sometimes it is not safe. As another drawback of writting a letter, it needs more money than email and text messages. Although electronic communication is not intresting like letter but it has several advantages.
Communication via email is fast. What should I do is just typing my email and then pressing send button and in a minute it will be in the receiver inbox. Today, time is a critical factor in every aspect of life especialy in bussiness. I can not wait 3 or 4 days for response of my letter.
Internet and modern ways of communication is more secure than traditional methods. Although there is a lot of crimes reported about stealing private informations in internet, but I believe they are safer than posting vital information via letter.
Using email and text messages is more convenient than using post. I can use my computer to email something whenever I want. It is not a matter wheter it is the middle of night or early in the morning. For me it just take between 5 to 10 minutes to turn my computer on and type and send my email.
I prefer to use email most of times but sometimes email can not satisfy me. I think email can carry lots of information as well as sounds and videos but it is not able to show my real feeling.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students at their university cafeteria

Hi, your writing is not too bad, but I had some trouble with the structure of your essay. I could not easily tell what your opinion was of the prompt. You need a proper introduction that gives some background on the topic and ends with a thesis statement that clearly states your opinion and the reasons you believe that way. Some of your paragraphs show the advantages of letters, while others favor email. I think it is better to focus on one side or the other and only show information that supports your thesis. As I said, your writing is pretty good, with only a few grammatical errors. It sounds quite natural for the most part, if you can get your essay organized more clearly, I think your scores will improve. As it stands, I would rate this essay a 3 out of 5, but if you had the correct structure, it would probably rate a 4. Here is an article that I think is helpful in outlining a good essay structure:

Hi, looking at your other essay post, I realize that I may have misread your essay a bit. Your paragraphs were not that clear so I didn’t realize that the whole first section was your introduction. I think you should not focus quite so much on the benefits of letter writing in your introduction - your introduction was almost half of your total essay. Instead, the body paragraphs should be fleshed out a bit more and be given the importance they deserve.

As I undertand from your comments, I should improve my structure and organise my paragraphs better.
I try to write another essay with attention to these two factors.
Thank you for your help.