I’d say that your essay is a bit of short and you’ve used an awful lot the word “I”. You should not use that word because you will write an academic essay not a diary. When it comes to your ideas, I think you have contradicted yourself. For example, you said that " I conclude that it is good to keep old friends. We only talk them occasionally. So, we have to make new friends when we become a part of new life or new phase. I did not agree with the statement." Examiner, who will read this part of your essay, could not understand what you mean. Therefore, you should justify your ideas truly. I hope my comments can be beneficial for you.
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