Hi,can you please evaluate my essay?Thank you so much KITOS for all your help and how much effort you put into helping all of us.I reaally appreciate it:)))
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People pay too much attention to the less important things in life and fail to see the larger issues. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.
Unfortunately,people in this century have become very careless about what is going on with the environment,people and many other important things.The influence of the media is mostly responsible for this.Instead of appreciating what they have,people constantly want more and this makes them fail to see their surroundings and also global issues.
The rate of poverty is constantly inclining.Huge gaps are forming between the rich and the poor because people care only about themselves and not worry about the worries of others.An example of this is ,while a child suffers in Africa from drought,famine and poverty,the daughter of a wealthy family in Europe is very worried about which dress she will wear to her next party or her jewelery being more expensive than the ones of her party friends.People can turn unimportant things like these into the most crucial worries of their lives while others do not even have the chance to find healthy drinking water.If everyone who had enough wealth to help others,actually did so,most of the crucial issues in this world would disappear in no time.
There is also the influence of the media on many people.The media constantly advertises less important things and influences people to believe that,those are what is important in life.People get driven by this and start to focus on having the best beauty products,buying the funiture,house and others,that are put into people’s minds through the media.If the media did the opposite and concentrated on the issues of the world and the well being of the needy,if they encouraged people to help others,or to protect our world from environmental issues like pollution,waste and toxics,then people would care more about these and the number of problems in our world would start to decline rapidly.
In conclusion,the age we are living in really encourages us to focus on the less important things in life and blinds us from seeing the realities and larger issues.To make this world a more beautiful and enjoyable place for everyone,we have to realize that there are more crucial issues around us and relinquish the unimportant ones.We also have to work to change the contents of the media and make them focus on vital things.This way we can start to make a difference.
TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between a student and a registration clerk during registration week
Hi,can you please evaluate my essay?Thank you so much KITOS for all your help and how much effort you put into helping all of us.I reaally appreciate it:)))
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People pay too much attention to the less important things in life and fail to see the larger issues. Use specific reasons and details to explain your opinion.
Unfortunately people in this century have become very careless about what is going on with the environment, people AROUND THEM and many other important things.The influence of the media is mostly responsible for this. Instead of appreciating what they have, people constantly want more, and this makes them fail to APPRECIATE their surroundings and also IMPORTANT global issues.
The rate of poverty is constantly inclining. Huge gaps are forming between the rich and the poor because people care only about themselves and DO not worry about the PROBLEMS of others.
An example of this is , while a child suffers in Africa from drought, famine and poverty, the daughter of a wealthy family in Europe is very worried about which dress she will wear to her next party or her jewelLery being more expensive than the ones of her party friends. People can turn unimportant things like these into the most crucial worries of their lives, while others do not even have the chance to find CLEAN drinking water. If everyone who had enough wealth to help others actually did so ,most of the crucial issues in this world would disappear in no time.
There is also the influence of the media on many people.The media constantly advertises less important things; and influences people to believe that those are what ARE important in life.People get driven by this and start to focus on having the best beauty products, buying NEW funiture, houseS and other THINGS that are put into people’s minds through the media. If the media did the opposite and concentrated on the issues of the world and the well being of the needy, if they encouraged people to help others, or to protect our world from environmental issues like pollution, waste and toxics, then people would care more about these, and the number of problems in our world would start to decline rapidly.
In conclusion, the age we are living in really encourages us to focus on the less important things in life; and blinds us from seeing the realities and larger issues.To make this world a more beautiful and enjoyable place for everyone, we have to realize that there are more crucial issues around us and relinquish the unimportant ones.
We also have to work to change the contents of the media, and make them focus on vital things.This way we can start to make a difference.
…
An inspiring essay ET. You need to concentrate on your punctuation. This glaring fault is spoiling your good word.
Commas are essential to the work. If they are incorrectly placed then the whole character of your message can be wrongly interpreted.
Kitos. 8.5/10
Thank you so much.Do you have an advice on how I can improve my punctuation.I really don’t know where to start.Should I find a site that can help or buy a book that teaches it?
Just read the stories written by Alan on the home page. Note the placing of commas and full stops, question marks and exclamation marks.
Read the words aloud, first with the punctuation, and then without. Note the difference.
Thanks a lot again:)I definitely will…