[parks]writing task 2

[Th_Bui]

Please give me some comments. Thanks a lot
It is sometimes claimed that large public gatherings such as squares and parks are of necessity infrastructures for all cities. While I agree that the importance of open areas is undeniable due to considerable benefits, I strongly believe that not all towns can have these spaces.
On the one hand, there are two underlying reasons why public areas such as squares and parks should be built in cities and towns. The first reason is that with the existence of public places, citizens can have countless opportunities to mingle with others. For example, Vietnamese young people have an extraordinary willingness to take part in outdoor activities of any gifted clubs such as guitar clubs and dancing clubs in a large park or square unexpectedly, which helps them make friends more easily. In addition, due to a variety of green trees and relaxed atmospheres, public places such as parks and squares can be ideal places for individuals or groups to hold many recreational activities which allows them to melt away all the tension and recharge their battery after their hectic daily schedules. As a result, these individuals might be a good picture of health, even prolong their life expectancy.
On the other hand, it is a task challenge for all these cities and towns to build open areas due to the shortage of land. Firstly, it is an irrefutable fact that there is a considerable increase in world population, therefore, land of accommodations and transport system accounts for the large proportions of total land in all cities and towns. As a result, there are no enough lands left for the construction of public spaces. Moreover, governments prioritize in allocating finite national budget and utilizing public land for building commercial centers, skyscrapers, hospitals, and schools, which brings more commercial and economic benefits to these countries. This can be exemplified by Vietnam. Many high-rise functional buildings such as Lotte and Keangnam Landmark 72 constructed in Ha Noi, the capital of Vietnam, earned a total revenue of more than 5700 billion VND, which contribute significantly to national income.
In conclusion, public places such as parks and squares have played an essential role in citizens’ daily life owing to the aforementioned two advantages. I am adamant that the shortage of land makes it impossible for these public gatherings being built in all towns and cities

[Luschen]

Hi, can you give me the prompt your were working from so I can evaluate your essay? Thank you!

@Th_Bui

It is sometimes claimed that large public gatherings such as squares and parks are of necessity [necessary parts of the infrastructure] for all cities. While I agree that the importance of open areas is undeniable due to [their] considerable benefits, I strongly believe that not all towns can have these spaces.
On the one hand, there are two underlying reasons why public areas such as squares and parks should be built in cities and towns. The first reason is that with the existence of public places, citizens can have countless opportunities to mingle with others. For example, Vietnamese young people have an extraordinary willingness to take part in outdoor activities [involving] any gifted clubs {“gifted clubs” is odd and unclear} such as guitar clubs and dancing clubs in a large park or square unexpectedly, {this unexpectedly is confusing to me} which helps them make friends more easily. {I guess you mean that Vietnamese student clubs often have their meetings outside in parks to serve as a break from the usual routine?} In addition, due to a variety of green trees and [their] relaxed atmosphere], public places such as parks and squares can be ideal places for individuals or groups to hold many recreational activities which allows them to melt away all the tension and recharge their battery after their hectic daily schedules. As a result, these individuals might be a good picture of health, [or] even prolong their life expectancy. {this sounds a little unnatural - we do say someone is a picture of health, but we don’t say something will help you become a picture of health}
On the other hand, it is a [challenging task] for all these cities and towns to build open areas due to the shortage of land. Firstly, it is an irrefutable fact that there [has been] a considerable increase in world population, therefore, land [used for residences] of accommodations and transport {“transportation” is better here} [systems] accounts for large proportions of [the] total land in all cities and towns. As a result, there [is not enough land] left for the construction of public spaces. Moreover, governments [prioritize allocating] [their] finite national budget and utilizing public land for building commercial centers, skyscrapers, hospitals, and schools, which brings more commercial and economic benefits to these countries. This can be exemplified by Vietnam. Many high-rise functional {“functional” seems little odd here} buildings such as Lotte and Keangnam Landmark 72 constructed in Ha Noi, the capital of Vietnam, earned a total revenue of more than 5700 billion VND, which [contributed] significantly to national income.
In conclusion, public places such as parks and squares have played an essential role in citizens’ daily life owing to the aforementioned two advantages. I am adamant that the shortage of land makes it impossible for these public gatherings [to be] built in all towns and cities

[Th_Bui]

Oh, I am so sorry.
The prompt: It is important for all towns and cities to have parks and squares. Do you agree or disagree with this statement