Hi Luschen! Could you please rate my TOEFL essay? Thank you very much.
Parents play an inportant role in children‘s development and their future success. In my opinion, there is noone else who can teach us as well as our parents do. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.
First of all, parents are the first teachers when we are just babies. Modern parents today tend to attend courses on raising children. They buy cards, pictures or books in order to educate their children through all senses. It is a huge advantage that these childen can improve much faster than their peers. With the help of parents, children have a firm base to perform well in the future even if their formal education have not started yet. My cousin is a great example of this. When she was just a baby, her father bought her a radio and picture stories so that she could practised listening and reading everyday. In addition, he is very patient to teach her how to pronounce and talk with her for hours. Owing to the great devotion of her father, my cousin was able to write short stories in English on her own at the age of five. She magically exceled at all four skills when she was six years old. She was always the first choice of her teachers to compete in many English contests and won several golden medals. She once told me that but for her father, she would not have been able to accomplish as much as she did.
Secondly, young people can learn many important life skills which are not taught at school from their experienced parents. Because at class teachers cannot pay special attention to every student,
parents are responsible for educating them properly. Therefore, they become the best companions guiding their children through stages of life. After long hard-working hours, parents still spend time doing homework with children. They also instruct them how to take care of themselfves and solve problems when it comes to unplanned emergencies. My father loves to teach me about electronics because he is a mechanic and thus I find Physics more interesting to explore than boring lessons in theory. Fixing household devices is easy as pie for me, so I can find a solution should something go wrong when he is away. When my parents go to a party of old friends, I know how to cook myself and do the housework as usual.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that parents can do a better job than professional educators. This is because they are excellent teachers and because children can learn from their experience.
Hi Bibo, welcome to the forum. Your English is very good - congratulations.
I enjoyed your essay. You have addressed the prompt well and I really like the detailed and personal examples you have included. You writing is very clear and your grammar is excellent, with only a few mistakes I could spot. Using idioms like “easy as pie”
is a good addition, as long as the idioms are used correctly, as yours are.
I do think there are a couple improvements you could make in your introduction and at various spots in your body paragraphs. Also, be careful of your misspellings and typographical errors. I have given some suggestions below.
Looking at your essay as written, I would rate it a 4 out of 5, but with a few corrections,
I think it could rate even higher.
