Parental control

Hi Mr. Luschen.
Can you rate my new essay? Thank you very much

Topic: In many countries, young people are granted certain privileges and responsibilities at the age of sixteen. Clearly parents have a responsibility to both care for and prepare their children as they approach this important milestone.
To what degree should parents intervene in the lives of their 14-15 year-old children?

It is true that parents are held accountable for looking after their children as well as getting them well-prepared for the age of sixteen at which children have certain privileges and responsibilities. In this essay, I will outline two main areas that parents should continue to exercise control over their adolescent children.

Firstly, it is parental responsibilities to take children’s safety in hand. Children in their adolescence are full of curiosity and are likely to do what they like, regardless of potential risks to themselves. In the meantime, the outside world are so tempting that they might easily lose their self-disciplines. For example, since teenagers are attracted to things that are labeled as appropriate for people above eighteen on the Internet, they are prone to pornography and violent contents which may get them into juvenile crime. Consequently, parents need to teach their children to distinguish right from wrong, and sometimes interfere in some of children’s friendship to stop them from being influenced by bad people.

In addition, money management is one of the key skills that parents must train their children. While finance management is undoubtedly a must for every adults, fourteen or fifteen year-old children hardly recognize its importance. Parental guidance therefore have a vital role to play in educating children on the value of money. Juveniles in particular are still dependent on their parents for pocket money, but they are likely to squander their budget on things that they might soon be fed up with. For that reason, parents clearly have a duty to explain what kind of criteria that can be used to choose what to buy for their adolescence children.

In conclusion, it is necessary for parents to put safety and money spendings of their children under control.

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture in Biology

Hi Quanghuy, this prompt seemed a bit vague to me. What exactly are the “privileges and responsibilities” that sixteen-year-olds get? Since the prompt doesn’t really name any, I think you have to state which ones your essay is addressing.
Here in the U.S. most states allow sixteen year-olds to get a driver’s license,
so that is something that I would probably write about. My son is turning 16 next month, so watch out on the roads! But seriously, maybe you could state some privileges and responsibilities that 16 year-olds get in your country - maybe going downtown or traveling to another city by themselves or going to a special school? - and address the ways parents can prepare their children for them. I think your second body paragraph applies to the prompt a little better, but your first paragraph about keeping kids safe seemed very vague. I would be hesitant to give a rating for this one, as I am not sure exactly how well you addressed the prompt. I don’t think you addressed it very explicitly,
but maybe the grader has a different expectation of how this questions should be answered. Your writing itself was pretty good, but you do have some grammar and vocabulary that could be improved - see below.