Newspapers will remain the most important source of news

[Lemin1991]

Hi Luschen,

I revise my IELTS essay, follow your advice.
Could you please rate it for me?

Thank you very much.

Topic: Although more and more people read news on the Internet,
newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or
disagree?

Digital news sites on the Internet have become commonplace recently, but many people still hold the belief that conventional newspapers will continue to hold their vital role. I totally disagree with this view.

There are many advantages of reading news online. Firstly, thanks to advancements in technology, we can reach up-to-the-minute information effortlessly. For example, people, regardless of their location, can use their Facebook news feed to keep posted about a certain event in Europe instantly. Secondly, having gained access to the Internet, readers are exposed to a much richer variety of news sources, ranging from official magazine websites to personal blogs. For those who are upset about yellow journalism, online sources enable them to choose their favorite reporters’ blog to read, rather than just follow some common columnists. In doing so, online readers have the potential capability to compare and verify what they read to see which ones are fake news.

In contrast, traditional newspapers have some drawbacks that keep them behind. The first disadvantage is that it takes a lot of time and money to deliver newspapers around to customers. In some circumstances, due to the late delivery, offline readers are more likely to miss some important information about the stock market that leads to the failure of their financial investment. Another shortcoming is that the newspaper production process may be harmful for the environment. Some newspaper printing factories in developing countries would sacrifice the surrounding environment for their profit by cutting down forests or discharging toxic chemical wastes into the rivers, which causes death to not only animal but even human beings.

In conclusion, I would argue that newspapers will be of less importance in the not-too-distant future as more readers recognize the overwhelming benefits of using the Internet to access news.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the lecturer mention Leonardo da Vinci?

[Luschen]

Wow, this one is really good Lemin. I think your format of providing the advantages of online sources and the disadvantages of newspapers is very effective.
Your writing flows very well with excellent transitions. Your vocabulary is really good in this one, with only a couple odd word choices, and your grammar is pretty much flawless.
I would rate this a solid band 7. As this is a great example essay for others,
I give it my super-duper rating, which makes it easier to search. (Type super-duper in the search box)

@Lemin1991

Hi Luschen,

I revise my IELTS essay, follow your advice.
Could you please rate it for me?

Thank you very much.

Topic: Although more and more people read news on the Internet,
newspapers will remain the most important source of news. Do you agree or
disagree?

Digital news sites on the Internet have become commonplace recently, but many people still hold the belief that conventional newspapers will continue to hold their vital role. I totally disagree with this view.

There are many advantages of reading news online. Firstly, thanks to advancements in technology, we can reach {“reach” sounds a bit odd - “access” is better here} up-to-the-minute information effortlessly. For example, people, regardless of their location, can use their Facebook news feed to keep posted about a certain event in Europe instantly. Secondly, having gained access to the Internet, readers are exposed to a much richer variety of news sources, ranging from official magazine websites to personal blogs. For those who are upset {“concerned” is more what I think you mean here} about yellow journalism, online sources enable them to choose their favorite reporters’ blog to read, rather than just follow some common columnists. In doing so, online readers have the potential capability to compare and verify what they read to see which ones[outlets] {“ones” seemed a little unclear - ones of what?} are fake news.

In contrast, traditional newspapers have some drawbacks that keep them behind. The first disadvantage is that it takes a lot of time and money to deliver newspapers around to customers. In some circumstances, due to the late delivery, offline readers are more likely to miss some important information about the stock market that leads to the failure of their financial investment. Another shortcoming is that the newspaper production process may be harmful for the environment. Some newspaper printing factories in developing countries would sacrifice the surrounding environment for their profit by cutting down forests or discharging toxic chemical wastes into the rivers, which causes death to not only [animals] but even human beings.

In conclusion, I would argue that newspapers will be of less importance in the not-too-distant future as more readers recognize the overwhelming benefits of using the Internet to access news.

TOEFL listening lectures: Why does the lecturer mention Leonardo da Vinci?

[Lemin1991]

Hi Luschen,
Thank you a lot for your comments. I really appreciate that.
Could I ask you a question? How can I increase my writing score from 7 to 8?
I need your advice.

P/s: By the way, how can I search for other super-duper essays?
I tried this way: “super-duper” site:www.english-test.net on google search box.
Because this forum search box is just google search box.

[Luschen]

Hi, getting an 8 is very tough I think. To start, you would need to avoid the incorrect usages that I highlighted in your essay. Then here are some other points I would consider:

I would give a slightly more detailed thesis statement - explain how you will show your disagreement, by giving the advantages of online news along with the disadvantages of newspapers. Give a clear idea of the structure your essay will take.

Your topic sentences are clear, but a little too plain and simple.

You have used “readers” quite a bit, try to make sure you don’t repeat words like this.

You talk about “a lot of time and money”, but you never discuss the financial aspect. Don’t include information in key sentences that you don’t discuss.

The way you wrote your stock market sentence makes it sound like the stock market is the only type of information newspaper readers will miss by the delivery not being timely.

For your conclusion, I don’t think a single sentence can make up a paragraph. I would divide your thoughts or add an additional sentence.

As for searching for super-duper essays, I clicked “Search” near the top, next to Album FAQ Memberlist. Then I entered super-duper and it brought up the essays. Most of these essays are for the TOEFL though, since those are the essays I have mainly corrected.